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Yankees 2, Diamondbacks 12: Chad Green falters in debut, offense commiserates by sucking

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Did you miss West Coast baseball? No? Good. The Yankees just punched everyone in the face with it.

"you did not baseball correctly"
"you did not baseball correctly"
Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

The Yankees played very poorly in their first exposure to interleague and West Coast baseball and they lost a blowout to the Arizona Diamondbacks. That sentence should be enough of a recap for most people. Proceed at your own peril.

Chad Green made his major league debut tonight, and though his final stat line wasn't particularly pretty, it's not like he was a nightmare. For instance, Paul Goldschmidt made him the 100th pitcher to surrender a home run to him. Paul Goldschmidt is a good baseball player. That could happen to anyone. He followed it by getting into and out of a first and third, two out jam. A single and a weird double off a deflection by Didi Gregorius brought home another run in the second inning, but Green struck out Goldschmidt in the third and pitched two scoreless innings.

An uncharacteristic error from Mark Teixeira hurt Green in the bottom of the fifth. He then walked Goldschmidt and made a bad pitch to Jake Lamb, who demolished it into the pool area beyond the right-center field wall. After a double to Yasmany Tomas, Green's day was done. Nick Goody did not provide much relief, so the Tomas run scored and charged Green with six runs (four earned) in four innings of eight-hit ball. While it wasn't all a disaster, I'm sure Joe Girardi isn't losing sleep over the fact that Green is unlikely to take another in the rotation with CC Sabathia returning later this week.

The shaky outing by Green did not receive much support from the Yankees offense. They had some opportunities against Diamondbacks starter Robbie Ray but could only push across two runs in seven innings. It was briefly a tie game in the middle innings, however. Mark Teixeira doubled as part of a three-hit night in the fourth and later scored on a single by the suddenly resurgent Chase Headley. They had a chance to score more with runners on second and third and one out, but Didi Gregorius popped up and after an intentional walk to Austin Romine (ah, NL baseball), Green struck out (no thanks to a tight strike zone).

One inning later, a "little league homer" by Jacoby Ellsbury on a triple and wild throw to third from relay man Nick Ahmed at shortstop tied it up at 2-2. Then, the bottom of the fifth with the Lamb homer happened. The Yankees never really threatened again, and the bullpen JV squad was smoked. Goody allowed a run on two hits in his inning. Conor Mullee joined Green in making his MLB debut and on the bright side, he also struck out Goldschmidt and didn't give up a single hit. The downside was that he was wild as all hell and gave up three walks while also drilling a batter, leading to a run.

Phil Coke entered and was the sluggish old sponge under your sink that you use to clean the toilet. That's 1am EST code for two innings, five hits, four runs (three earned), one walk, and oh god this recap somehow isn't over yet.

Ultimately, it's easy in a sense to dismiss this game. A so-so prospect was making his MLB debut on a night when none of the Yankees' best relievers were likely available. Even if the offense was clicking against Ray, it would have been tough to outscore Arizona.

The Yankees will try to get it back together tomorrow night when Michael Pineda faces Zack Grein--dear sweet fancy Moses, someone please fetch me some bourbon in advance of that one.

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