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Yankees 1, Astros 15: Brendan Ryan was the best pitcher in pinstripes tonight

Nothing was good.

My money is on the oil baron, tough guy.
My money is on the oil baron, tough guy.
Andy Marlin-USA TODAY Sports

Ivan Nova gave up five runs in a 40-pitch first inning. With Dallas Keuchel on the mound for the Astros, you can imagine how the rest went. It didn't go well.

The highlight of the game might have been when Carlos Gomez decided to get mouthy with Joe Girardi from the Yankees dugout following a routine flyout. Gomez then jumped in John Ryan Murphy's face and both dugouts cleared. The bullpens emptied as well, but only made it about halfway through the outfield before being told the show was over and their services were no longer required. It was probably the only part of the game worth waking up for until we got a position player pitching.

Total damage for Nova was seven runs in four innings of work. Nick Rumbelow relieved him out of the bullpen and gave up two runs (one earned) because of a Brendan Ryan fielding error. Ryan also played right field, so I guess you can consider that a highlight if you really want. Chris Capuano tried to avoid a fourth DFA'ing by pitching when he was told following Rumbelow. He walked in the tenth run of the game and allowed a two-run single to make it an even dozen, so his quest to avoid DFA might only be fruitful out of blatant desperation until Michael Pineda or Bryan Mitchell are ready to return. Please come back soon, guys. Actually, I wrote that sentence before Capuano allowed a three-run home run to Gomez. Any excuses to avoid designating him for assignment are now wrong and foolish.

Jacoby Ellsbury, Carlos Beltran, and the aforementioned Murphy managed to pick up a hit against Keuchel. Gold stars for them. The Yankees managed to get on the board with two outs in the ninth inning on a groundout when Ellsbury came around to score after singling to lead off the inning. Woo, no shut out!

BRENDAN RYAN PITCHED. HE PITCHED TWO INNINGS IN THIS GAME. He may not have a mustache anymore, but he does have a blazing 78 mph heater. Like CC Sabathia before him, he doesn't believe in covering first base. If you only watched like three innings of this game, this might have made it worth it. If you watched the whole thing this alone probably didn't redeem it. Hey, he didn't give up a run! That's something.

A throwback classic summary of this game:

Image credit: Wiki commons

Sometimes you're the bear, sometimes you're the deer. Tonight, we were the deer. Whatever.