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Yankees 6, Phillies 11: The season is obviously over, you guys

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RIP Yankees

Brett Gardner, who is obviously awful just like the rest of this awful team. RIP Yankees.
Brett Gardner, who is obviously awful just like the rest of this awful team. RIP Yankees.
Adam Hunger-USA TODAY Sports

The Yankees drew first blood when Brett Gardner doubled in his first at-bat, moved to third on a Chase Headley groundout, and came home on an Alex Rodriguez sac fly. They then scored another run in the second on a leadoff homer into the second deck by Garrett Jones. However Philadelphia answered in the top of the third when Cesar Hernandez doubled in the speedy Ben Revere. Chris Young took a very awkward route to Hernandez's ball and it might have been catchable had he played it correctly.

And then Brett Gardner homered. Again. We are not worthy of His Royal Baldness. It was a line drive bomb into the right field bleachers.

Unfortunately, Cameron Rupp tied it with a two run shot into the Phillies bullpen. Chris Young was maybe two inches away from catching it over the wall, but oh well. Such is life. Ben Revere would reach on an awfully played dribbler up the line by Garrett Jones and then Cesar Hernandez singled to bring Maikel Franco to the plate with two outs. What happened was hardly surprising. After fighting off a bunch of pitches, Franco took CC deep the other way into the short porch. Both homers were by right-handed batters, which is far from surprising. Sabathia has simply stopped getting outs against righties at this point. It's ugly to watch. CC didn't make it out of the fifth inning after Chase Headley committed his sixteenth (!) error of the season. Rookie Branden Pinder came in to strike out Rupp, and that was that.

Headley, naturally, leadoff the bottom of the inning with a dinger, his 100th of his career. A-Rod followed with a dinger of his own to go back-to-back and a belly-to-belly. Carlos Beltran smacked a double off the the left field wall and Chris Young doubled him in to tie the game at six.

The Yankee bullpen then went to work. Chasen Shreve worked the first 1-2-3 inning for either side in the game in the sixth, and then Justin Wilson induced a double play after hitting Franco to work a clean seventh. Beltran lead off the bottom of the inning with a double, and Jones moved him to third on a groundout. But for the second straight inning, the Yankees stranded the go-ahead run at third base. Not good.

Wilson returned for the eighth, and he promptly walked the leadoff man on four pitches. Good ol' Wilson. A grounder moved the winning run to second base so Joe Girardi summoned Dellin Betances, who hadn't pitched since Wednesday. Dellin did Dellin things by striking out the next two batters because Dellin. Dellin. Dellin is good.

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The wheels came off in the ninth when failed starting pitching prospect Dellin Betances returned to the mound. Betances would allow five runs that totally had not a single bit to do with a botched call on the Cesar Hernandez hit-by-pitch. Hernandez squared to bunt and totally didn't extend his bat before being hit on the thigh, and totally shouldn't have been sent back to the plate. Then Betances predictably allowed five runs. It's hardly surprising that the Yankees and Betances did this. Betances is washed up and massively overrated. He visibly lacks the will to win. Where's the fire on the mound? A true Proven Closer would pick up his team no matter the situation. The Yankee offense exploding for fourteen runs these past two games is utterly meaningless. The Yankees are destined to lose 100 games if this series is anything to go by, which they are. They are the worst team in baseball. Nuke the stadium, tar and feather Dellin Betances.

Bad streaks don't happen to good teams. Those amazing teams with Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig never had bad stretches. The regular season is decided in June because aberrations don't exist and any given game is indicative of a team's true talent level. It's a miracle the Yankees haven't lost every game so far this season. Anyone who watches this horror show of a baseball team is an utter fool. I fully expect the Yankees to lose 786-0 tomorrow while Cole Hamels throws a perfect game, who will then be traded to the Red Sox and lead them to a World Series Title. Somehow, this is all Joe Girardi's fault.

Thank you to The New York Post for that well-thought out and level-headed analysis! I'm sure our readers can identify with that.

Box score.