Buying Halloween costumes for the Yankees

Ah, Halloween, a day where it’s socially acceptable to dress up in quirky outfits, eat candy by the gallon, and watch cheesy movies ostensibly about ghosts, skeletons, and witches, but actually about the importance of family. It is a glorious day, one last day and night of outdoor tomfoolery before the cold darkness of winter sets in.

The Yankees, unfortunately, will not be dressing up as World Series champions this year, and in truth, it’s fair to wonder if they even don the costume of Competent Baseball Team in 2023. But that’s OK, because we’re here to help them find some last-minute costumes — that way, they won’t have to answer the door and hand out candy dressed as “dude in a T-shirt and sweatpants.”

Note that, for this fun little exercise, we will be foregoing the obvious suggestions, because those costumes are too cliche; Aaron Judge as a federal judge, Gerrit Cole as a frog, and Nestor Cortes as Mario is soooooo 2022.

Aaron Judge and Anthony Rizzo

Can we start anywhere else other than the best bromance in baseball? No, I’m not talking about Judge and Rizzo — I’m talking about their dogs! The love that both players have for their dachshunds is well-documented, as is their dogs’ friendships with each other. And so, for Halloween, Kevin Rizzo should dress up as Judge, and Judge’s dogs should dress up as Rizzo.

To complete the look, both players should wear dachshund costumes.

Austin Wells, Anthony Volpe, and the rookies

With the previous youth movement, the 2016-2018 crop of rookies, already having taken the moniker “The Baby Bombers,” the YES Network broadcasters this September searched for a name to christen Anthony Volpe, Austin Wells, Oswaldo Cabrera, Oswald Peraza, Esteban Pereira, and Jasson Domínguez. They settled on “the yutes,” a reference to the famous legal comedy My Cousin Vinny.

And so, what better group costume is there than for the yutes to dress as the characters in the movie — characters such as Joe Pesci’s brash Vincent Gambini, Ralph Macchio’s naive Bill Gambini, and Fred Gwynne’s regal Judge Haller. What better group outfit for this bunch could there be?

Gerrit Cole

On the mound, Yankees ace Gerrit Cole is ruthless. In the dugout, he is an intellectual, a second coach who serves as a valuable resource for his teammates. Off the field, he’s a fun-loving dad who got a haircut so that his son would not be afraid to go to the barber. How do you capture all that in one Halloween costume?

The answer, as it turns out, is fairly simple: Gomez Addams. Devoted to his wife and children, adept at many things, and a New Yorker to boot, the only thing the patriarch of the fictional Addams family can’t do is pitch.

Tommy Kahnle

Yankees reliever Tommy Kahnle brings a chaotic energy to the Bombers that turned him into both a fan favorite and a great teammate. Only one Halloween costume is capable of matching that chaotic energy.

That’s right, everyone’s [least?] favorite yellow harbinger of chaos, a minion.

Do you agree with our costume selections? Let us know in the comments below, tell us how you’d deck out other members of the Yankees, and most importantly, have a wonderful Halloween!