Where to begin? Let’s just get the obvious out of the way first: This will be my final article on Pinstripe Alley. It’s been quite a ride on my highest of horses, but there comes a time when it’s time to leave grandiose ramblings to a younger, vibrant, and dare I say, awesome generation. I’m looking at you, reader or writer who grew up in a time when Dungeons & Dragons was popular.
I thought of many ways to write my final PSA piece. A simple thank you post? No, but we’ll get to that later. Perhaps something silly? I’ve tried to be silly in all my articles, even the most serious ones. A rant? Now we’re talking. I might as well leave Pinstripe Alley the same way I entered it—super full of myself and angry at fans I deem beneath me.
This will not really be a composed rant, because it’s my last one and I just want to get it all out there. Join me on one last ride.
1. Playing intentionally awful teams is not fun
In case you haven’t noticed, the Yankees play the Baltimore Orioles a lot. Last year, for some reason, they couldn’t beat them. This year, however, they have pretty much trounced them. As they should! The Orioles are absolutely terrible. As I’ve said before, playing bad teams is not fun. It shouldn’t be a challenge to beat them and it’s extremely annoying to lose to them.
Baseball should be about competition. Yet, at this point in the season, we pretty much have a solid idea who the AL representatives in the postseason are going to be. Anything can happen, but the drastic changes look more to come from the good teams collapsing than the bad teams rising from the ashes. That’s not great.
The one surprising thing about all of this is that the Yankees are doing it with an injured team. Yeah, playing the Baltic Avenues of baseball certainly help, but they’ve also played and beat the red-hot Minnesota Twins and San Diego Padres. It feels weird typing that, but the point still stands.
The Twins and Padres are two teams that decided to go for it in the offseason, and they’re both playing well. Their fanbases are energized. I love watching teams like that. I want the Yankees to beat teams like that. That’s the whole point of the sport. Another win against the Orioles or Royals puts another W in the books, but I don’t care enough to watch. And there are way more bad teams than good nowadays. That’s bad.
2. Hal and Hank Steinbrenner need to be suspended
Have they actually done anything wrong? Not really, no. One of my main complaints, however, is how many people revere George Steinbrenner. The Boss certainly wanted to win, but the best thing he ever did for the Yankees was get suspended; then the front office was free and clear to build a team like no other.
It also humbled Uncle George a bit as well. A bit. Still better than the 80s Steinbrenner that most fans hated. You know what’s coming. Take it away, Costanza.
The Brothers Steinbrenner may have a different way of steering the ship than their father did, but the meddling held over. They need to not meddle, so suspend them. That’s the true Dynasty Formula, folks. Suspending the Steinbrenners is the first step towards building a team that can win four championships in five years. I’d say it’s the most important step. Get it done, MLB.
3. The 1993-1995 Yankees were great teams
Former Pinstripe Alley scribe Harlan Spence and I harped on this so many times, so I bring you one final harping. Fans still think that the Yankees created a core and starting winning in 1996. These fans are wrong and will always be wrong. The Yankees built the ship first and then put the warp core inside it.
The 1993 Yankees would have made the playoffs if the Wild Card existed. The 1994 Yankees would have made the playoffs if not for the blasted strike. The 1995 Yankees did make the playoffs and would have gone further if not for the damn Kingdome.
I will never get tired of watching that.
4. Not hustling on ground ball outs is okay
I’ve ranted about this numerous times, so no need to fully go into it. But yeah, stay healthy and don’t hustle on easy outs. Baseball is a war of attrition. Play to win.
5. Yankee Stadium III is a great stadium
A lot of fans think of the new Yankee Stadium as a dull, boring, mausoleum instead of a baseball stadium. It is, and that’s exactly what it should be. Baseball is still played there and the food is great. The lower level walk-around is fantastic and allows for some great views of the field. Is it Yankee Stadium II? Absolutely not, but no stadium will be. You never forget your first home.
Just stop being so uptight with only allowing electronic tickets. Printed tickets are awesome. Oh, and work on actually getting fans into the Stadium on time. Plus, Monument Park is not as good and that Mohegan Sun thing is still a monstrosity.
On second thought, the place needs some major work. Just bring back YSII.
6. Please stop Randy Levine and Lonn Trost from speaking.
Pretty self explanatory here. If you’re not going to replace them, then at least never allow them to speak in public. Ever.
Well, I think that’s about everything I have. I’ll probably think of more after I retire. Maybe I’ll save it for a FanPost.
I’d like to thank Travis and Brandon for looking at my inane, rambling, and angry Fanposts and saying, “Yeah, we need to have that person on our staff!” Thanks go out to Tyler and Caitlin for their continued awesome work on keeping Pinstripe Alley the best and putting up with me submitting my articles later than 10 PM. Seriously, they do a lot. You have no idea. To all the new writers and editors on staff, best of luck with the site. Be better than me. It’s not hard to do.
Special shout outs go to long time listener, my ally in the never-ending fight to keep Mets fans from stealing our nachos. To Q-TDSK and Harlan for also being Bills fans. We need each other in our constant dark times. To David Cone for following me on Twitter. That was pretty neat.
To Matt Provenzano and Matt Ferenchick, thanks for joining me for Hirata Pork Buns and Walking Tacos. Truly, the best of times. We certainly took it to the Matts, didn’t we?
To Kunj Shah, my former fellow podcast host. Thanks for essentially being me when I was not available to be me on Pinstripe Alley. Be sure to check out our next podcast, Tossed Shah-lads and Scrambled Gregs, where we over-analyze episodes of Frasier. Coming soon, when we’re not lazy.
To Jason Cohen, sorry about Jeets breaking and entering into your apartment. It was pretty rude of him.
To Andrew Mearns, thank you for actually hosting and editing the podcast after working nights at MLBAM took that ability away from me. Furthermore...
@MearnsPSA MEARNSSSSSSSSS!!!!! pic.twitter.com/pKDAqCcLBr— OhNoThereGoesTokyo (@ImNotAHRHitter) July 10, 2016
To Tanya Bondurant, thanks for all the night-owl chats. Thanks for agreeing to my plan to take over Pinstripe Alley only 2-3 months after being hired on to write for it. Three years? Ha! Did it in two. Thanks for making PSA the best Yankee site in the universe. Thanks for laughing at all my Humbler jokes. Most of all, thanks for continuing to be my BFF. You’re the best, Waffles.
And finally, thank you, Greg Kirkland. I mean, without you, none of my articles would have been possible. I think I’ve earned a self-congratulatory pat on the back. More importantly, thank you to all the Pinstripe Alley readers for actually taking the time to read my rants. Thanks to all the commenters I’ve debated with over the years. Two-Hole Clause guy, you’ll always hold a special place in my... let’s go with gut.
Without this site, my life would not be the same. No seriously. I currently live in Minneapolis, in a brand new apartment, with the love of my life, whom I met in the comment section of PSA because the Twins traded Aaron Hicks to the Yankees for John Ryan Murphy in 2015. If you’re reading this, love you Myjah and sorry JRM did not work out in Minnesota.
That’s the true magic of baseball. It can bring people together through unbelievable and unforeseen circumstances. It’s one of many reasons why we hold it so dear. It’s why it breaks our hearts when it doesn’t include everybody or give a fair shake to people and players who deserve it.
All I ask is that fans and baseball as a whole be better. Be better than me. Again, it’s not hard. If baseball and everyone else can do that, then I’m giving you a raise!