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Both the Yankees and Red Sox hope the rivalry can breathe life into their miserable seasons

The Yankees are bad. The Red Sox are somehow worse. The rivalry is back. Yay

Divisional Round - Boston Red Sox v New York Yankees - Game Four
Curb your enthusiasm
Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images

Feel the hype. Get excited. The Yankees and Red Sox will play each other for the first of —sigh — 19 meetings this year, renewing the fabled baseball/sports rivalry of legend. With both AL East “powerhouses” set to face off this evening, we will finally get the answer to what happens when a stoppable force meets a very movable object. Just to be clear, the answer is “lol.”

The Red Sox, perhaps still hungover from their World Series championship celebration, come into this series with the fourth worst record in the AL East. They are the first team of 2019 to give up both hits and RBI to Chris Davis of the Orioles. If it weren’t for the Blue Jays and Royals, they would have the worst record in the AL. I know all of this because the Red Sox unbridled awfulness has been the only thing sustaining me during these dark, starting outfielder Michael Tauchman times.

Meanwhile, in pinstripes, the Yankees are coming off a series loss to the Chicago White Sox, following a sweep by the Houston Astros. They are injured. Their fundamentals have been atrocious. Aaron Boone, the current manager whose resume includes one perfect 2003 ALCS rivalry-winning dinger, is stating how the Yankees are getting ready to “turn a corner.” Right now, it seems like that corner is taking them straight into the Gowanus Canal.

Yes, I’m aware it’s nowhere near Yankee Stadium. That’s how bad it’s been.

Most of the media is talking about how this series can perhaps provide either team with a spark of life. Riveting, I know. Yet, it’s a pretty perfect statement. With a good portion of the roster on the injured list, I can think of nothing better than comparing this two-game series to a defibrillator. CLEAR!

This offseason beat my baseball enthusiasm down on the ground. Then the start to the regular season poured gasoline on my battered body and set it on fire. That’s me though. Is anyone else particularly excited for this latest round of the rivalry? Both teams are terrible. Personally, the most exciting thing about this series is that it’s only two games and that neither are ESPN Sunday Night Baseball games.

On the other hand, these games could be a “so bad it’s good” situation. A Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode of the rivalry, if you will. Outside of players getting injured, it would be kind of amusing to see the supposed elite of the baseball world fumble around with some Benny Hill music in the background.

Actually, no. Even I can’t bring myself to get excited about that prospect.

As of right now, this division is not exciting and neither is the most storied, gloried rivalry in baseball. Of course, it’s only April, which I constantly have to remind myself before listening to Boone’s “turn the corner” statement. But outside of the AL Central, every other division in baseball looks more exciting than this one. The NL East is ripe with talent and competition. The Padres and Dodgers might make the NL West interesting. I could go on.

No really, I could go on about how much I hate the over-hyped, overdone aspect of the rivalry, as I usually do whenever we start game one of 19 against Boston. But I’m spent. I just don’t have it in me anymore. It’s hard to be excited about any Yankees baseball when “please don’t get hurt” is my only real hope of any game. Tonight, two bad teams will face each other and maybe one of them won’t completely embarrass themselves in front of the other. Yay. It’s only April. It’s. Only. April.

Good luck, Yankees. Beating the Red Sox is always good, no matter how good or bad either team is. I will try to enjoy the baseball, but I’m way more excited by a new episode of Chopped.