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The weirdest items in the Yankees’ online team store

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Come for the Yankees’ piggy banks, stay for the terrifying Aaron Judge tiki head thingy.

Chicago Cubs v New York Yankees Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

The Yankees’ online team store is full of good stuff. It’s has all the jerseys, shirts, hats that you could hope to find. It’s also plenty useful for those who don’t live near Yankee Stadium but still want to buy memorabilia. (Or if you don’t want to leave you bed, which fair enough.)

It also has a lot of things that are very confusing. There’s a bunch of stuff that I, personally, have no idea why anyone would buy. Someone probably does, because you can find at least one person to buy anything, however, I will question their purchase.

Let’s take a look at some of the weirder items available in the Yankees’ online store.

https://www.mlbshop.com/new-york-yankees/new-york-yankees-aaron-judge-hammer-bobblehead/t-14442143+p-8064753468959+z-9-79760026

That is not how you swing a baseball bat. It also doesn’t seem like a good way to swing a judge’s hammer. I’m not a golfer, but it also seems like a sub-optimal way to swing a golf club.

https://www.mlbshop.com/cooperstown-teams/warren-giles-national-league-president-1961-fleer-number-33-card/p-35456251326424+z-9567-777409213

First off, the idea of having a trading card for the National League President is fairly weird. However, this is available on the Yankees team store. As you probably know, the Yankees, uh, aren’t in the National League, and still weren’t in 1961.

https://www.mlbshop.com/new-york-yankees/new-york-yankees-michael-pineda-oyo-sports-player-minifigure-/t-14338710+p-9168645476106+z-9-2938063090

This is now available for $5.99 and free shipping. However, don’t go rushing to buy it just yet. If you wait a couple more months, you might be able to get them to pay you to take it.

https://www.mlbshop.com/new-york-yankees/new-york-yankees-caricature-piggy-bank/t-36995476+p-6897765290165+z-9-1658473147

I guess this could be a cute piggy bank for a kid. It also looks a little bit like a character in an animated movie about anthropomorphic animals.

https://www.mlbshop.com/new-york-yankees/new-york-yankees-3-grand-slams-mega-ticket/t-25443210+p-8953238086893+z-9-1014133622

The store has a bunch of these fake, oversized tickets that you could hang up on a wall somewhere. Most of them are for understandable games, like a World Series-clinching game or the final game at the old stadium. This one is for the 2011 game where the Yankees hit three grand slams. While that was a cool moment, if I was to commemorate one game by paying $90 for a fake ticket, it would not be that one.

https://www.mlbshop.com/new-york-yankees/mens-new-york-yankees-nike-heathered-navy-cooperstown-collection-logo-tri-blend-t-shirt/t-14008765+p-9115762142550+z-9-3855465745

Yanke?

https://www.mlbshop.com/new-york-yankees/new-york-yankees-rotating-desk-lamp/t-25008732+p-800503470383+z-8-3698104992

As the product name indicates, the top part of the lamp rotates. Apart from the whole pointlessness/possibly completely against the point of a desk lamp, who wants this? Unless you’re in a creative writing class and need inspiration for a story about a murderous baseball player, just get a normal desk lamp. You can probably even find a normal one with a Yankees logo on it.

https://www.mlbshop.com/new-york-yankees/new-york-yankees-aaron-judge-player-eekeez-figurine/t-58440976+p-35659765239+z-7-3358977072

Absolutely not. I sincerely hope there is an implied “Thank god” after the “Almost Gone!” distinction.