Imagining the Yankees as Halloween candy

As October draws to a close, Halloween-inspired content has popped up everywhere. As a big fan of the holiday, I completely support these stories. Last week Kento made costume suggestions for the Yankees. Now it’s time to focus on the other essential key to trick-or-treating: candy!

From the same site that brought you the Yankees as U.S. Presidents, Brooklyn Nine-Nine characters, and WWE superstars, here is the roster as Halloween candy.

Aaron Judge - Can of soda

Every town has a house that puts others to shame on Halloween night. It’s pretty rare, notoriously difficult to come by, but it’s out there. When you find it, you’re rewarded with the king of treats: a can of soda.*

MVP-caliber baseball players are like that. Elite talent is hard to find, but it exists. If a team is lucky, they land a player and he develops into a franchise cornerstone. The Yankees got all that and more with Judge. He’s arguably a top-10 player in all of baseball, and he is a terrific role model. You couldn’t ask for more from the 26-year-old.

*Some neighborhoods have a house that gives out bags of chips, or full-size candy bars. The same idea applies here.

CC Sabathia - Hershey’s bar

You can’t go wrong with the classics. Old reliable will never go out of fashion.

Giancarlo Stanton - Full-size Snickers bar

Stanton is a behemoth of a baseball player. He’s also a darn good one. He hit 38 home runs with a 127 wRC+, and that’s a down year! Some people may say they’re overrated, but deep down, they know that’s wrong.

Luis Severino and Masahiro Tanaka - Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

The Yankees frontline starters deserve top-notch candy. Like Severino and Tanaka, Reese’s cups make for a great one-two punch. The fact that the pair are thick as thieves goes a long way here, too. Just look at them! They tour museums together.

Brett Gardner - M&M’s

Another classic candy, M&M’s are pretty good. They’re not anything special, but they’re by no means bad. That sounds like Gardner, doesn’t it? He’s a reliable veteran, even if he isn’t flashy.

Aaron Hicks - Peanut M&M’s

You get all the strong qualities of M&M’s, but with the added bonus of peanuts. Hicks is basically an upgraded version of Gardner, after all.

Didi Gregorius - Skittles

Sir Didi adds color to the Yankees. He brings such positive energy to the table. Everyone loves him! It’s only fair that he gets the beloved, colorful candy.

Sonny Gray - Candy corn

They’re not all winners.

Gary Sanchez - Warheads

You have to go through the bad to get the good with Warheads. You endure the extreme sour before settling down to a tasty treat. That’s sort of the story of Sanchez’s season. The team put up with the rough year because they know his true talent. He showed that off in the postseason, when it counted most.

Lance Lynn - Pez dispenser

There’s a novelty to Pez. They’re so much fun for a little while, but they get old quick. Lynn had a remarkable start to his Yankees career, but he came crashing down to Earth not long after. It was fun while it lasted.

Tommy Kahnle - Mounds bar

Kahnle had a rough year, riding the Scranton shuttle for most of it, but he remains one of our patented Big Baseball Boys. It’s only fair to give him a candy that fits the billing.

Jacoby Ellsbury - Black Licorice

Nobody likes black licorice.

Dellin Betances, David Robertson, and Chad Green - 3 Musketeers bar

The Yankees technically had four legitimate set-up relievers after the trade deadline, but let’s use the three who pitched all season long. Betances, Robertson, and Green form a late-innings trio that could pick apart any lineup in baseball. They’re top notch, just like a 3 Musketeers bar.

Austin Romine - Raisins

Who actually wants to get raisins while trick-or-treating? That’s what I thought. They’re disappointing, but I guess they’re better than nothing. Romine, meanwhile, is a backup catcher, which is necessary. He just leaves a lot to be desired.

Gleyber Torres and Miguel Andujar - Kit Kat bar

The emergence of Torres and Andujar came up big for the Yankees in 2018. They played pivotal roles for the Bombers, and they both expect to figure into the Rookie of the Year conversation. When it comes to Halloween candy, it’s hard to do better than Kit Kat bars.

What do you think of our list? Did we miss anyone? Do you have better fits? Let us know in the comment section below!