(Listen to Hey Porter by Johnny Cash as you read!)

Hey Brian, hey Cashman would you tell me the time?
How much longer will it be till we cross that trade deadline line?
At midnight would ya tell that commissioner to slow it down?
Or better still, just stop the trading cause I wanna shop around

Hey Brian, hey Cashman what time did ya say?
How much longer will it be till I can see the those players on display?
When we hit noon will you tell that commissioner to ring his bell?
And ask every team that ain't sold to stand right up and yell who they got to sell

Hey Brian, hey Cashman it's getting late to fill this teams needs
This old team is loosing steam and in need of fresh new eyes
But ask that commissioner if he will blow his whistle please
I smell worry on sellers lips and I feel that trade wind breeze

Hey Brian, hey Cashman please get those ballplayers for me
I need somebody to tell me they've been traded to the Yankees
Go tell that owner to make those trades
We're getting close to the deadline so take it easy on the top prospects, please

Hey Brian, hey Cashman please open up the roster
When they stop the trading whose gonna get here first cause I can't wait no more
Tell that owner I said thanks allot and I didn't mind the cost in prospects, anymore
Gonna set their feet on Yankee soil and deliver a championship flying forever more

*Adapted from Johnny Cash's "Hey Porter".