*Editor’s note: The Yankees played games against the Red Sox and Tigers this afternoon. It would have been delightful to be able to watch even one of them because there were many homers and fun glimpses of prospects! Unfortunately, neither was televised even though it is the year 2017 and someone with MLB could literally prop a single camera up in the stands behind home plate.
So with the assistance of a random paragraph generator, here is a possible recap of what happened, given what we know. There’s no way to prove that it didn’t because there’s almost no video! Feel free to read the slightly more straightforward story in the footnoted tweets. It’s been a weird day with the AWS problems.
Another gulf marches on top of the butter. Baseball pales outside an unknown flood. A sect staggers. The Red Sox and Tigers feint below the diamond's initial sky-high comet from Masahiro Tanaka.1 Our inhibiting spokesman strains underneath the newest spoof. The Yankees prosecute the invaluable attitude with a walk.
Gary Sanchez towers over Drew VerHagen.2 Why can't VerHagen leap? VerHagen urges Sanchez. How will Sanchez rip the stopping sweat? Six times the hammer swung, or so the dream implied.3
Should dingers hesitate? Across the blocked slang triumphs Greg Bird, twice.4 Fenway South contests the completed timetable underneath the believer. The Boston radio team perfects the image past a disgusting adviser. The balance maps Fenway South within a worse sneak.
Tanaka closures the provoking analysis near the elitist with two gems.5 Will Justus Sheffield pop above the Red Sox? Dustin Fowler breaks a devoid geometry below my concise patient. Brock Holt cautions, but miles away, Chris Carter does not heed.6
The beforehand rip affects the fiddle. Why does television cough beside Austin Romine? Television trifles with the off continuum in the terror. The north neighbor expires after the crashing campaign. The autumn progresses inside Austin Romine. The wasted wild qualifies Austin Romine.
Bruce Rondon triggers the appalled gesture next to the predictable magic. Steinbrenner Field forbids the routine within the debt. A cutting volume inflicts Rondon throughout the absurd butter. Why can't Rondon boggle? How can Rondon choose throughout Steinbrenner Field? Thairo Estrada riots again.7
Base hits strike Jonathan Holder after the naked variance. The predecessor fellows the buyer across the mechanic anatomy. Holder beats the countryside. Base hits swarm him.8 Holder learns the flute.
A mob of Estevan Florial, Ji-Man Choi, and Boston's pride of Florence, South Carolina, Jamie Callahan, poses around the discontinued machine. How does the inebriated fan in section 69 make the shot? Clint Frazier spits before him.9
Arby's graduates past meaningless baseball.10
Box score at Boston (5-4 win)
Box score vs. Detroit (9-5 win)
Masahiro Tanaka a little amped on his first pitch of the spring. Throws it to the backstop. pic.twitter.com/XE2RfgH6LN— Jesse Lippin-Foster (@Jesse_FosterBP) February 28, 2017
Gary Sanchez hits one high, far, gone to left field. Ball just hung up there forever and went out.— Bryan Hoch (@BryanHoch) February 28, 2017
I have missed two Greg Bird home runs. This is a dark day.— Tanya Bondurant (@TanyaBondurant) February 28, 2017
The line on Masahiro Tanaka:— Bryan Hoch (@BryanHoch) February 28, 2017
2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K (25 pitches, 16 strikes)
Chris Carter blasts his first spring HR to left field off RHP Drew VerHagen. Yanks 3, Tigers 0, bottom 4.— Pete Caldera (@pcaldera) February 28, 2017
#Yankees prospect Thairo Estrada with his second homer in as many days.— Bryan Hoch (@BryanHoch) February 28, 2017
Clint Frazier pinch-hit RBI double makes it 8-0 in the 5th. pic.twitter.com/7Dh8QRoJOz— Pete Caldera (@pcaldera) February 28, 2017
As you chug whiskey from your coffee mug during your daughter's soccer game, remember: you're sleeping in the dumpster behind Arbys tonight— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) May 30, 2015