You might remember Roger Clemens from his seven Cy Young Awards, or 11 All-Star appearances, or six years with the Yankees, but you probably don't remember his acting career. Still, even if he's never won an Oscar or even a Razzie, it's beyond time we remember him for everything he's done on this Earth, from pitching deity to television star.
Zest Soap Commercial | 1987
We start off with maybe one of the best appearances he's ever made anywhere. In 1987 baseball, if you won the Cy Young and MVP Award in the same year, you were rewarded with an appearance in a soap commercial, AKA they filmed you in the shower. Unfortunately, they discontinued the tradition immediately after this because of Roger Clemens' amazing singing voice. I think the best part is that we have a 24-year-old Rocket naked on set and he's flashing the best boy off camera.
NESN Commercial | 1988
One year later, NESN produced this mockumentary about the day Roger Clemens was arrested for speeding. How this is supposed to get people to tune into more Red Sox games is beyond me. He admits to throwing a mistake pitch, which is probably what Red Sox fans wanted to see most back then. The cop was great, though, and he deserves one of those where are they now specials.
The Simpsons | "Homer at the Bat" | 1992
This, of course, was Roger's big break. He appeared in The Simpsons classic "Homer at the Bat" and cemented himself in television history. In this episode, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant puts together a softball team and adds a few pros in order to guarantee a championship. In this episode, Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, Ken Griffey, Jr., Steve Sax, Ozzie Smith, José Canseco, Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry, and Mike Scioscia all guest starred as themselves. (As of today, six of these nine players have played for the Yankees).
As a major league pitcher, Clemens performed his own stunts and threw his own fastballs. He even threw a few underhand.
Unfortunately, things fell apart for our heroes and Clemens thought he was a chicken, even providing his own chicken noises throughout.
He could have retired after this.
Cobb | 1994
Cobb turned out to be the terrible movie only fitting for such a terrible person in Ty Cobb, but from this flop came the Rocket's first major film role. Billed as "Opposing Pitcher," Clemens played an opposing pitcher from the Philadelphia A's from back in the day. This time they asked him to not light bats on fire. Unfortunately, there wasn't any footage readily available because nobody cared enough to make any.
Saturday Night Live | 1994
It was looking to be a big year for the Roger Clemens brand as he appeared on an SNL commercial for a luxury sport cruise with 70-something other baseball players, including a majority of the 1994 New York Yankees. He makes his mark at the end along with a few others you might recognize.
This is SportsCenter Commercial | 1994
In what was one of the first This is SportsCenter commercials, Clemens went on a road trip to ESPN headquarters alongside Boston Bruin, and fellow actor, Cam Neely (he played Sea Bass in Dumber and Dumber). I might actually tune into a show staring these two from 1994, even if they're leaving Yankees fans on the side of the road.
Kingpin | 1996
In the standout performance of the movie Kingpin, a prequel to the first season of True Detectives, Roger Clemens plays Skidmark, an angry boyfriend who stumbles onto the set and picks a fight with Randy Quaid. Luckily, Woody Harrelson was able to clear everything up.
TSN Commercial | 1997
Roger Clemens moved to Toronto where he went on to break the laws of physics. Just kidding, he's in Canada!
Arliss | "The Real Thing" | 1997 (NSFW)
Remember the show Arliss? No you don't, and neither does HBO because you can currently watch the entire series on YouTube instead of HBO Now. It was a show about a sports agent and he represented some guy named Dan Manville, who was on the verge of joining the 500/500 club. Apparently this one guy wanted to place a bet and tried to convince Clemens to give up the last home run on purpose, since it seems like Clemens is pretty stupid. Fortunately, out hero has become wise to this guy's tricks and Clemens refuses, but ends up giving up the milestone anyway. The guy never ends up placing a bet. Roger Clemens stands up to betting.
Arliss | "Cause and Effect" | 1999
He made another appearance on Arliss two years later, now a member of the New York Yankees. In this episode, Kevin Brown, of all people, was given a private jet as part of his new contract and Roger Clemens wanted one too! Check out the cameos from a young Keith Olbermann and George Steinbrenner himself.
Anger Management | 2003
Roger Clemens made his return to the big screen thanks to Adam Sandler's obsession with the New York Yankees and his ability to make as many garbage movies as he wants. Derek Jeter shows up right alongside Clemens, but you decide for yourself who worked it best.
Hope & Faith | Charley's Baseball | 2004 (NSFW?)
Faith & Hope was a show about two sisters living together, doing some stuff. In the episode Charley's Baseball, Hope's husband has a baseball signed by Roger Clemens that gets destroyed and they sneak into Yankee Stadium to get a replacement. You know, like in The Sandlot. After some incredibly weird moments where Kelly Ripa worships a cup and fawns over a bunch of naked men in the locker room, the show subjects us to a "joke" about how women don't know anything about sports. They end up harassing Roger Clemens (and Willie Randolph!) long enough to get an autograph. It almost feels like Clemens wasn't acting at all and these two women actually did break into the locker room.
AT&T Commercial | 2007
After making a comeback with the Yankees, Clemens made fun of himself by recreating the scene that caused him to return to baseball. The commercial won him the E in his EGOT that year.
ESPN The Weekend Commercial | 2008
ESPN stuck Clemens on a roller coaster in Disney World and it turned out to be an amusing commercial. I have no idea if he knows any of the people on the ride with him, but Roger really used his acting chops on this one. Bravo. Unfortunately, the commercial was pulled right after the steroid allegations came up and it really put a hold on his acting career.
"Red Solo Cup" by Toby Keith | 2011 (NSFW)
He, instead, made a brief attempt to get into the music industry by appearing in the music video for "Red Solo Cup," which did not, in fact, originate on Glee. Clemens shows up at around 2:40.
108 Stitches | 2014 (NSFW)
Six years after disappearing from view and spending all his time in courthouses, Clemens took the indy (the very, very indy) route to build his career back up. This movie is probably the worst, but you can see him in the trailer at least. I'm not exactly sure what he does in it and it looks like he doesn't either, but what matters is everyone had fun.
Longhorn Network Commercial | 2015
Continuing to stay out of the spotlight, the Rocket appeared in a commercial for the Longhorn Network where he had people sit above a dunk tank and he would pitch the ball to knock them into the water. It makes very little sense, which is probably why you can't watch it anymore.
Hopefully this is just part one of a three-part play, but it could be awhile before he's a viable brand again. In the meantime, what was your favorite?