I’m not surprised at all and really, why should I be?
See nothing wrong,
see nothing wrong
So sick and tired of all these pictures of me
But are those pictures wrong? Or are they actually so, so right?
As we discovered in previous installments of this feature, photographs serve as a window into a world that we otherwise ignore. We have witnessed hell in its various incarnations, we have examined photos that will certainly give you nightmares, and we have found much evidence of human agony.
Today: an examination of human behavior. What makes us act in the way we do? I don’t know, so let’s ask a simpler question: what do we actually do? How do we behave?
It turns out each of us behaves in a variety of different ways. Some of us, determined that every starter must have at least a 4 ERA, leave starting pitchers in until they’ve given up as many runs as possible. Some of us, bothered that we actually have to turn up to work, don’t bother to track down easily catchable fly balls in right field. Some of us, deluded about our own incompetence, claim that the promotion of a player from Triple-A, and their immediate insertion into the daily lineup in what was once our starting spot, does not constitute a referendum on our performance.
So, then – a large variety of human behaviors, and here’s a few more in photographic form.
The pictures, I contend, are never wrong. Let’s look and discover together.
#6 – Some clarity on a pressing issue
Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images
For many years we’ve wondered what precisely is up with Mark Teixeira’s face. It rarely, if ever, appears to be at rest; never is it more active than when he is on the field, and never is it more active on the field than when it assumes its puffer fish form, as in the image above, and in this detail:
This face appears often yet there is no documented reason as to why it exists. Why would anybody want to wear such a bizarre expression? Speaking to reporters recently, Teixeira took it upon himself to clarify the situation.
"I chug a lot of Pepsi and Mentos before each swing," Teixeira said, before continuing: "Much explode."
#5 – A-Rod butt
Photo by Bob DeChiara/USA TODAY Sports
Interval: Crowds, and the People in Them 4
Now, the return of our semi-popular segment Crowds, and the People in Them. In this week’s Crowds, and the People in Them we examine the passion (or lack thereof) with which people attempt to catch home run balls.
Photo by Winslow Townson/USA TODAY Sports
This week we’ll be awarding the coveted Best Catch Attempt award for best catch attempt. In ascending order by quality of attempt:
This is less an attempt to catch the ball than it is an attempt to praise it, Evangelical Christian-style. No amount of prayer will guide that ball into your downturned hands.
That’s not catching. That’s just raising your arms half-heartedly, sort of hoping something will happen while actually hoping nothing will happen.
Leaping for joy does not constitute an attempt to catch the ball, Sir.
This individual looks fresh, which makes up for his attempt, which is barely an attempt at all, and which also makes up for the fact that he is miles off the ball anyway.
This has the illusion of being a good catch attempt but, actually, attempting to catch the ball sideways like that probably wouldn’t work too well. Still, points are in order for making it look mildly convincing.
The hat catch. It is second only to bringing a glove to the park in terms of laziness, but it is secretly the top technique for snagging a ball because it doesn’t involve touching the ball. Who’d want to touch the ball after seeing the sweat and other muck pitchers smear all over it? The thing's practically a biohazard. Anyway, this person loses points only because they decided to wear a Texface while making the catch attempt, and Texface from non-Tex people is never, never good.
This person displays plus-plus home run catching ability. They’re using their hat, which (as we’ve learned) is good technique. They have great reach – if they’d been sitting in the row above, they’d have easily nabbed the ball. And they have good vision – tracking the ball as it flies over their head. A solid effort.
Yes, a good old fashioned one-handed cricket catch! Excellent stuff my friend. Please accept our Best Catch Attempt award for your top notch catch attempt.
#4 – It’s unclear 2
Photo by Adam Hunger/USA TODAY Sports
It’s a pleasure now to bring you It’s Unclear 2: Still Unclear, the sequel to a previous entry, It’s Unclear.
Trying to figure out what’s going on in this photo: it’s unclear.
#3 – Really? 2
Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images
In June’s Really? we said the following:
At this point I think we can all agree the faces are getting out of hand.
At this point, I think we can all agree the faces are still out of hand.
Interval: Non-Yankee Photo of the Week
Photo by Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports
From the Boston Herald:
"I’m not liking them during the game anymore, and I’m really struggling to keep up," Sandoval said to reporters on Friday.
#2 – Oh, hello Cole
Photo by Andy Marlin-USA TODAY Sports
Here’s Cole Figueroa, looking remarkably suave and photogenic during a game. It’s almost like he could be a cover model for a romance novel.
#1 – Jacoby Ellsbury and Brett Gardner do their best action movie hero impressions
Photo by Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports
I like this one because these two characters look like they’ve come right out of an action movie.
Jacoby Ellsbury is the good cop – clean cut, looking like he’s talking reason. Brett Gardner’s the bad cop – gritty, eye black almost obliterated, looking like he’s about to rough some dudes up.
They need a car to chase a perp and you’re stopped at a red light. Jacoby Ellsbury asks your permission before he requisitions your car for police purposes. Brett Gardner jumps on the hood, punches out the windshield, rips you out from behind the wheel, tosses you aside, and jumps in and drives away.
They’re in a shootout in an office building and need to pick off multiple shooters. Jacoby Ellsbury takes cover behind a desk and neutralizes his enemy from a distance. Brett Gardner dives through the air in slow motion, firing off his guns every which way before going head first through a pane of glass.
Anyway, the point is this: these two look like they belong on a movie poster.
This Week in Social Media
Photos by @YankeesPR.
It was a good cause, the whole ‘go bald’ for Brett Gardner thing, but we’ve ended up with some pretty unfortunate/amazing (depending on how you look at things) facial expressions here. Introducing…
Alex "Hello Ladies" Rodriguez
Joe "What Is This Thing About Again?" Girardi
Mark "This Is Pretty Much a Normal Day for Me" Teixeira
Brian "What Did I Do to Deserve This?" Cashman
When FOX films its Clubhouse Times sitcom, this’ll make for a great title sequence.
Face of Rod (of the Week)
Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images
#0 – A-Rod shushes the crowd
Photo by Matt Keegan (@mkeegan17)
This photo (by one Matt Keegan) is amazing. A-Rod is shushing the crowd! This is the most A-Rod thing. We have photographic documentation of peak A-Rod. Whatever might he be shushing them about?