Homo sapiens (that’s us!) is a communal species. We like to talk about stuff to each other. We like to gossip, and we like to spread rumors. Why is that? I don’t know, because I’m not an anthropologist or a sociologist. Maybe one day we’ll interview a person in one of those two fields. We’ll have them speak words out the front of their head and then we’ll listen and hopefully come to understand, but until then you’re stuck with these articles which, though uninformed about details pertaining to anthropology or sociology, are highly factual regarding literally everything else.
Take this fact for instance: Homo sapiens is Latin for "person who knows" (strictly speaking it’s "man who knows," but let's go with non-gendered rhetoric). Can we claim that we are people who know things about the New York Yankees?
The answer to that question is yes, and I suppose thank god for that.
We know things about the New York Yankees because we pay attention to the news. We know things because we watch the action on the field. And, most importantly, we know things because we listen to rumors and gossip. Rumors and gossip aren’t always factual, but sometimes they are. Lace your brain with this hot list of bullet points.
- It should come as no surprise that the Yankees’ pitching staff continues to be the focus of much speculation. This time, rather than the Yankees eying other players, it is Yankees pitchers themselves that are in demand, as word on the street is that Adam Warren and Nathan Eovaldi have begun to pique the interest of several organizations. The Cubs, among others, are seen as potential suitors for Warren should the Yankees make him available. Warren, who rates as the team’s fourth-most valuable pitcher (their third-most valuable starter) with his 4.08 FIP, is considered reliable and consistent, and numerous writers have mused that he is significantly less valuable to the Yankees (or any team for that matter) when he is in the bullpen. The Yankees might consider shifting him if they acquire Cole Hamels or Johnny Cueto.
- Hamels and Cueto continue to trend in the rumor mill along with other characters like Mike Leake. Add now Jeff Samardzija and – shudder – Clay Buchholz. As Pinstripe Alley’s Josh Heller notes, neither Samardzija (whose name is the reason the copy-paste shortcut exists) nor Buchholz are perfect options, but they could strengthen a rotation that is perceived to be slightly shaky.
- Gatorade’s "Made in New York" commercial, which stars important human Derek Jeter, won a Gold Lion in Film at the Cannes Lion 2015 festival. The commercial features Jeter walking the streets of New York while tentatively approaching commoners on the sidewalk, pretending to care about them as he shakes their hands.
- In what can only be called the greatest scandal of our time, internet media are slamming Jeter for splitting the bill at a restaurant with girlfriend Hannah Davis.
- Jeter can feel better about the above, because he’s being inducted into the New Jersey Hall of Fame. They said nothing would ever be as prestigious as Cooperstown, and today we've learned they were dead wrong.
- Astros manager A.J. Hinch has apologized to Joe Girardi, Alex Rodriguez, and the Yankees organization after anger management expert Brett Oberholtzer threw at Rodriguez last Saturday. Rodriguez, ever the spry young lad, deftly evaded the hate-fueled pitch, and Oberholtzer, who had given up six runs in just 1.1 innings, was summarily ejected. For his troubles he was sent directly to Triple-A where he will surely be asked to practice not giving up home runs, or any sort of run in general. "There's no place in our game for that kind of activity," said manager Hinch, which is legitimately good to hear in a sport where throwing a ball at somebody as ‘retaliation’ – read: intentionally putting them at risk of injury or worse – is widely considered acceptable.
- Louise Meanwell, the woman accused of stalking Brian Cashman, was found guilty of grand larceny (amongst a bunch of other charges) and is likely headed to jail.
- Congratulations to Stephen Drew, whose family welcomed baby Laney into the world last week.
- The Detroit Tigers have put the lineup card from Alex Rodriguez’s 3000th hit game up for sale on MLB.com – it was going for a cool $1,010 at the time of writing, with four days left to bid.
- Finally, in a highly original piece featuring entirely original research, Yahoo Sports’ Chris Cwik presented the world with an expose on Johnny Cueto’s Instagram.
Do you have some rumors and gossip of your own? We’d love it if you posted in the comments. There’s no time to waste! Rumors and gossips are occurring in all places and at all times, and we must catch them all if we are to have any hope of surviving the truth apocalypse.