There are people out there. Sometimes, on occasion, they are prone to sitting in front of a computer, typing things about the New York Yankees, and publishing those things on the internet. Sometimes, on occasion, but more rarely than the previous occasion, they are prone to appearing in front of a camera and speaking things about the New York Yankees. And then there’s Twitter. Everything that appears on these platforms is nonsense, and that’s what we call rumors and gossip.
Here are some blindingly true rumors and some dazzlingly real gossip from the past week.
- In what can only herald the beginning of a new dystopian future where he will own all media Berlusconi-style, Derek Jeter has secured $9.5 million for his website The Players’ Tribune. It’s "the voice of the game," or so the site claims. Jeter seems to have centered the site on first-person stories written by athletes, already featuring authors like Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods. When I first visited the site, the top story, authored by Jeter, was titled "Yeah Jeets" and the body text consisted of "Yeah Jeets / Yeah Jeets / Yeah Jeets / Yeah Jeets [...]" I refreshed and the post was gone, but God as my witness I swear this is true.
- While second basemen were the focus of last week’s rumors, this week’s rumors have centered on the Yankees’ rotation needs. In frenetic yelling that will only get yellier after the mess Nathan Eovaldi laid down last night, multiple sources are suggesting the Yankees have serious interest in Johnny Cueto. Cueto, who Fangraphs presently rates as the fourteenth-best pitcher in the Majors (trailing one A.J. Burnett at twelfth), is under contract with the Reds until the end of the season. He presently sports a 2.85 ERA (with a 3.15 FIP), and has been good for a 2 WAR to date. Our own Harlan Spence warns that acquiring Cueto might cost the Yankees some of their most prized pieces.
- The Yankees were to give Alex Rodriguez $6 million dollars for hitting his career 660th home run, but as of yesterday the team was still refusing to foot the bill. Rodriguez has time to file a grievance against the team, but is reportedly negotiating to get the sum paid out to charity.
- Meanwhile, the Biogenesis scandal seeps forth like a steroid-fuelled fog as Rodriguez is accused of breaking Florida law over his purchase of Biogenesis clinic files.
- Rodriguez gave a signed bat to a young fan earlier in the week, writing the message, "Forever your fan: Alex Rodriguez."
- In more Derek Jeter news, the shortstop recently gave the struggling Didi Gregorius some sage advice: "Keep it up." Yes, please keep that 67 wRC+ up. Nailed that pep talk.
- The New York Post claims the FBI is hunting a bank-robbing Yankees fan – the evidence for him being a Yankees fan that he’s wearing a Yankees cap. The cap-wearing criminal joins the ranks of other cap-wearing "fans," including this infant (which is certainly old enough to have decided it is a Yankees fan), Libyan rebels, Hillary Clinton (who is also a huge – if I’m not mistaken she started the fanKris Bryant fan club when he was drafted in 2013), and this lizard, which would wear a cap if its hair could get away with it.
The week’s Toppest Question of the Week goes to the New York Daily News’ Bill Price, who asked this non-question:
Price wins this coveted award because few others would dare to be so incisive. Who else has the courage to ask "Can Matt Havey get act together?" The question mark wasn’t included originally, but that’s certainly a forgivable mistake – just imagine the stress caused by launching an inquiry on baseball royalty like Havey.
Do you have some rumors and gossip of your own? We’d love it if you posted in the comments. The golden rule persists: if it’s not important sounding, it’s not fact.