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Yankees Top Five Photos of the Week 6/15/15: A heinous array of A-Rod imagery

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Join us in this week's investigation as we become scandalized by a veritable onslaught of heinous A-Rod imagery. And, in what the media are calling the Camden Calamity, Mason Williams gets glued to a wall.

Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Pictures! So many questions they plant into our small, pitiful minds. So many answers they refuse to yield. What hope do we have? We have no hope. We can only band together and join hands in a sometimes sweaty, sometimes clammy, often unhygienic embrace. That’s the only way we’ll ever survive this onslaught of heinous and disturbing imagery.

#5 – Causing a collision

Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images

Let’s consider what this photo might be showing us:

  1. Chase Headley, suffering from Compulsive Hugging Disorder, is not able to resist the urge to hug Michael Pineda.
  2. Michael Pineda, in an act of self-defense, gives a solid left forearm to Chase Headley who, just moments prior and very much against his will, was launched out of a man-sized catapult at Pineda by perennial villain Alex Rodriguez.
  3. In a quantum mechanics nightmare, the universe has suddenly decided to make Michael Pineda and Chase Headley conjoined twins.
  4. Chase Headley, aware that Michael Pineda keeps uranium paste on the bill of his cap, and having seen Pineda rub said uranium paste on the baseball in order to make it a radioactive missile-weapon, tries to prevent Pineda from pitching said now-weaponized ball.

These are, I think you’ll agree, four equally believable, and indeed equally viable, options.

#4 – "This glue prank craze is getting out of hand," warns Vice President Biden

Photo by Tommy Gilligan/USA TODAY Sports

Excerpted from the New York Times:

"I’ve glued him to the wall and he’s not coming off," said the Camden Yards groundskeeper on Sunday.

"We’re bringing him food," Yankees manager Joe Girardi said. "It’s hard because it’s a long way out there from the dugout, and some of us don’t like to walk that far."

Scandal erupted in the Yankees clubhouse on Saturday night when third baseman Alex Rodriguez refused to give water to Williams. Williams was complaining of thirst two hours into his stint on the wall.

"A-Rod was just standing out there with a box full of twelve bottles of water," said an unnamed face in the Yankees front office.

Rodriguez reportedly yelled "This is my water, go get your own!" before fleeing into the stands.

#3 – Really?

Photo by Tommy Gilligan/USA TODAY Sports

At this point I think we can all agree the faces are getting out of hand.

(But that’s not going to stop me showing you two more before this thing is done.)

#2 – It’s unclear

Photo by Tommy Gilligan/USA TODAY Sports

It’s unclear.

Interval: Crowds, and the People in Them 2

Photo by Tommy Gilligan/USA TODAY Sports

And now, as a sequel to last week’s Crowds, and the People in Them, I present you Crowds, and the People in Them 2. This week: people proceed to be bored by A-Rod hitting a two-run home run and scoring RBI #2000 and #2001 of his career.

Also this week: teammates proceed to be bored by A-Rod hitting a two-run home run and scoring RBI #2000 and #2001 of his career.

And the winner is:

When asked for comment, the winner said: "I didn’t ask to be born." Congratulations, sir! And to the rest of our contestants: better luck next time!

#1 – This Is Why I’m Hot

Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images

This is why I'm hot
I'm hot cause I'm fly
You ain't cause you're not
This is why
This is why
This is why I'm hot

This is not a photo, but a screenshot I took using the print screen key on my keyboard

Table by Fangraphs

The Boston Red Sox are currently 27-37, tied for the fourth-worst record in the Majors. Hey, look – sometimes teams are good, and sometimes teams are bad. I’m sure it’s not the end of the world. Their hitters are probably just in a slump or whatever. We’ve certainly been through that, and it’s neve— wait; what’s that?

Yes, you’re zooming in—

Yes, this is one of those zoom things happening right now but I don’t—

...Ah.

Is
that
a
pitcher
ranked
as
the
eighth
best
hitter
on
your
team
right
now

Alright. But surely some legitimate hitters are coming right on up after him. I mean, it can’t be that dire because the Red Sox are usually quite—

See! There’s Pablo! Hello Pablo. Nice to see you! I mean, he’s at #14 on the ranking so that’s not great but at least—

...............Ah.

And now, the Texface of the Week! And... then another one. Also, the Face of Rod (of the Week)! And... then another one.

Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images

Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images

Photo by Brad Penner/USA TODAY Sports

Photo by Tommy Gilligan/USA TODAY Sports

Awwwwwww, he's so happy!