A lot of people like to spend a lot of time thinking things about and speaking things about the Yankees. Sometimes said people leave out the thinking part and instead just make mouth noises which congeal into something vaguely resembling English, and that’s basically how rumors and gossip are made. Here’s a look at the finest rumors and gossip from this past week.
- The sixteen-year-old Bryce Harper told the world that he wanted to be a Yankee, but the twenty-two-year-old Bryce Harper played politician when asked about his future plans and whether he still wanted to end up in New York. He ignored unfavorable questions about the Yankees yesterday, confirming that he loves the Nationals and wants to contribute to a World Series win for them. He then went and stood in front of a camera with Nina Agdal, before possibly being clubbed to death by her. Cannot confirm or deny that last one.
- It turns out Derek Jeter is scared of kangaroos. It also turns out that he would like to cuddle koalas. In other pressing Derek Jeter news, the retired shortstop apparently spoke at some kind of finance event filled with finance people, in which he said things hugely relevant to finance, like "You can’t succeed without experiencing failure," and "Surround yourself with good people who will tell you the truth." Slow down Derek, I’m writing. You’re saying I should avoid surrounding myself with liars?
- The disappointing offensive (and in some cases defensive) output from the middle of the diamond has seen the Yankees linked, surprise-surprise, to Ben Zobrist in trade rumors. Zobrist, however, is having the worst year of his career (thanks to a knee injury), hitting .207/.295/.359 – that’s worth an 85 wRC+ and a .287 wOBA. The Cubs are currently favorites to land him, assuming they believe him healthy enough to make the trade divestment. If he doesn’t appeal to you, other people are whispering names like Dustin Ackley and Brandon Phillips. Others still have no problem with Stephen Drew, thoroughly convinced by WFAN’s Suzyn Waldman’s argument that he is a perfectly fine player because "you can get away with hitting .165 if every hit you hit is a home run." Drew has been worth -0.1 WAR so far, but if I understand well WAR works like scoring does in golf, in which case Waldman is about as correct as it is possible to be.
- Lana Del Rey wore this... gaudy?... piece while performing in New York on Sunday. Look! It has the Yankees logo on it and it has the word "Yankees" printed on it a whole bunch.
- Sentimental types will be disappointed the Yankees didn’t draft Mariano Rivera’s son, Mariano Rivera III, but Rivera is reportedly glad the Nationals signed him. His fear in playing for the Yankees was that he would always be under his father’s shadow, but given that he shares his progenitor’s name (and likeness!) that may not be a thing he’ll ever escape. If Mariano Rivera III turns out to be good he will join the ranks of other good threes like Die Hard with a Vengeance, the BMW 3 series, and third baseman Alex Rodriguez, arguably the best thing associated with the number three.
- Speaking of Mr. Rodriguez, Cousin Yuri has been booked for seven months.
- Bud Selig has praised Rodriguez, saying Rodriguez's return from his season-long suspension last year has "been a seamless transition, which is the way we planned it, and that has been, I think, very helpful to everybody, most importantly to the sport." We’ve learned, then, that Bud Selig is responsible for Rodriguez being good. Well I suppose thank god for that.
Have rumors and gossip of your own? Post them in the comments. The road to fact infinity is paved with half-truths and good stories.