On Wednesday evening, the Yankees and Rangers played a rain-shortened game that ended up being called after just four and a half innings. It was an official game, just like the rain-shortened loss to the Orioles right before the All-Star Break, and the Yankees will absolutely take the cheapo wins over Texas ace Yu Darvish wherein their exhausted bullpen didn't have to be used at all.
The story of the game wasn't really the game itself though. The umpires did not make the decision to end the game in a quick manner at all. Before they got to that point, everyone on the baseball field seemed to lose their minds, from the grounds crew to the players, and I'll be damned it was wasn't one of the funniest scenes I've seen on a baseball field in quite some time. Venture with me into the utterly outlandish world of rain delay theater.
The problems began when the rain absolutely throttled Yankee Stadium. With knowledge of the ominous forecast, the grounds crew was ready to roll the tarp on the field, but no one seemed to expect the rain to come as hard as it did. The rain got to be too heavy on the tarp, and the grounds crew was stuck with the tarp only covering half the field while the batters box and first base line turned into the Swamp Palace. (No signs of the thing that attacked Jacoby Ellsbury though.)
Things really got bad when they tried to cover the field again and one grounds crew member slipped and fell under the tarp, symbolizing the plight of the Yankees' injury-ravaged starting rotation, no doubt. Your symbolic genius has not been lost on us, good sir.
The struggle is real
I saw nothing... nothing but rain, grey blobs and my fellow men falling victim to the tarp monster.
I thought to myself, "Dammit, Harvey, you've seen some shit... but the ballplayers need ya. Girardi needs ya. The Captain needs ya. The wife and kids need ya. Just grab the tarp with both hands and run for your damn life."
Then I thought to myself, "This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife! How did I get here?!"
Harvey's co-tarpmasters didn't really like or understand him that much.
These damn kids know nothing about the true art of tarp-pulling. I'm gonna show these whippersnappers what's what.
Here we go...
.... well shit.
Too old for this
...no, I can't get out of my seat to talk to you.
Come over here, I'll tell you about my next "Yeah Jeets" excursion.
Thorough evaluation of Larry Rothschild
Well, that's rude.
"J.P., you do this a lot. Stop."
"Haha, YU SO FUNNY!"
"I hate you."
This is what happens when rain delays stop games--the Binder goes into defrag mode. If only we could imagine what bizarre matchups it comes up with while the files rearrange.
The delay did not cause only contempt though.
What, me worry?
"Hey B-Rob, I'm thinking of making a change. There's a second baseman in Triple-A who's mashing right now and could do a better job than you."
"Nah, I'm just screwin' with you hahaha you know I would never leave you."
"Haha, you had me goin' for a second there, Joe."
/AL East standings graphic sighs in annoyance, gives up lingering to try to get their attention./
Paul O'Neill got tired of watching this grounds crew member look grumpy, so he fixed the problem! How kind.
"Screw it. Race ya."
The grounds crew decided that putting the tarp on the field was the worst and they wanted no part of it anymore. Instead, they decided to have a race around the warning track. Can't blame 'em.
Brendan the cat
Brendan the nose picker
Gross. Jeter can't look at you like that. Please don't encourage him, Jacoby.
HELLO YES, THIS IS BRETT
Exhausted from waiting over an hour and a half to determine whether or not there would be more baseball, Brett Gardner decided to order a pizza. No, Bryan Hoch, not Papa John's.
Shortly thereafter, the great rain delay of 2014 ended. Perhaps today people will regain their sanity. In the meantime, follow @PSA_GIFs for more bizarre Yankees GIF content.