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Mark Teixeira and juice: A love story through GIFs

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Everyone's favorite bizarre juice fanatic took a YES reporter into his juicing lair. The world may never be the same.

"Perhaps I can drink the remains of my spilt juice from my jersey, coach!"
"Perhaps I can drink the remains of my spilt juice from my jersey, coach!"
Cary Edmondson-US PRESSWIRE

It's no secret at this point. Mark Teixeira is a juicing fiend.

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YankeesGIFs.com

Yes... quite the juicing fiend, indeed. How many other players, nay, human beings would pose with such loving adoration of what they are about to consume? Tex is one of a kind. Tex is pushing the juice revolution forward with reckless abandon. He recently gave YES Network reporter Jack Curry a glimpse into his off-diamond work, which threatens to destroy his playing career given how much it has consumed him. The consumer has become the consumed.

"...the hell did you make me wear"

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"We all look so gosh darn spiffy in these juicing uniforms! I call them juiciforms! It's a bit of humor, you see!"

All smiles!

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Tex's thoughts:
please talk to me about juice
yes continue talking about juice
never stop talking about juice, I am erupting with neverending joy

Mark Teixeira Bobblehead Millenia

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"oh mother of God, this friggin' guy."

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Someone direct this poor woman to Idealist.com. Or the Classifieds. Or those street vendors around Times Square. Or to the Yankees' infield. She needs help, they need help. It's a perfect match. If you can successfully do so, I think that's a legitimate reason to request a tax write-off.

Yeah, sure. That's juice. Uh-huh.

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My eyes.

God, if only

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Pain.

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Seriously, someone help her. She seems like a nice girl.

"To the downfall of a nation!"

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Here, Tex acts so kindly in offering a cheers with Curry while our young friend looks on with anguish. He's happy to have spread his love of juice to another soul. And yet...

back the hell away from my juice

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Those aren't the eyes of joy. Those are the eyes of wanting to drink all the juice in the world. We are at a dangerous point in the history of civilization. Someone. Anyone. Send help.