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Confessions Part IV by Alex Rodriguez

It's going to be a long offseason. I'm sorry and you're welcome

By Greg Kirkland
These are my confessions
These are my confessions
The Star-Ledger-USA TODAY Sports

This is parody based on either Confessions Part II by Usher or Confessions Part III by Weird Al Yankovic. Take your pick.

Watch this...

[Chorus:]
These are my Confessions

Just when you thought I said all I could say
the Daily News revealed more secrets today

These are my Confessions

Man I'm thrown and I know that you want more
That's right I'm gonna give you part four of my confessions

If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
Mike Francesa's gonna get a phone call
I'm so throwed and I know that you're all bored
So I'll give you part four of my confessions

[Verse 1]
Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do
Got me talkin' to Francesa sayin "I just lied to you!"
That thing my cousin's wife said about me peeing on the floor, on the floor
Or was it in the sink or on the bedroom door?
The first thing that came to mind was "Whew!"
Second thing was "At least she didn't mention me sniffing glue"
Third thing was "Or that time I trapped that kid with a giant squid"
How I ain't ready for third base and WAZZUP to our pennant chase!

[Chorus:]

These are my Confessions

If you thought the offseason would be gray
The Centaur is back to just clear out my tray

These are my Confessions

Man I'm thrown and I know that you want more
So let's continue on with part four of my confessions

You know that I like collecting helmets off the floor
Trust me, you don't wanna know what for
You'd abhor that it involves some wild boars
Let's move on with part four of my confessions

[Verse 2]
Pressin' my chest on the mirror tryin' to figure out
When, what, and how I'mma change my name to Michael Trout
Still three years left on my contract
So I need to start trainin', entertainin'
then get my own Yankeeography (ography)
I'm gettin' my cheese whip, readin' PSA
People are sayin' "Release him! He'll just be day to day"
I open up the door and stand tall on the mountain top
and yell, "HEY YANKEES, I'M GONNA PLAY SHORTSTOP!"

[Chorus:]

These are my Confessions

I've still got more to get out of the way
The Centaur is here and yes he's here to stay

These are my Confessions

Just got so many secrets in my drawer
They might not all fit in part four of my confessions


After baseball I'm gonna be a World Wrestling star
I designed the Mohegan Sun Sports Bar
Fans booed me and now that they cannot see
I'll just express all the glee of my confessions

[Breakdown]
This, by far, is the not the most bizarre thing I've ever done
No really, I haven't even cracked the surface.
There was that one time in Monument Park where I let loose some pythons and cobras...
Anyway, I hope you can accept the fact that I'm half-man half-horse enough to let you in on all of this
And hopefully you'll give me another chance
This ain't about my career
This ain't about my life
It's about us
Please

[Chorus:]

These are my Confessions

I'm not done because you've all gotta pay
Just wait till Spring and you see how much I weigh

These are my Confessions

Bloggers might see all this as quite the chore
Just wait till I'm done with part four of my confessions

Don't pretend that you don't like when I'm making a scene
Soon you'll all be wearing number thirteen!
I've survived and now that I am revived
I think I'll start on part five of my confessions

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