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Yankees 2014 Report Card: The Others

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The Yankees are a big family, so there are a lot more grades to go around to non-players for their 2014 performances.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Since it's report card season here at Pinstripe Alley, I thought it would only be fair to give grades out to other members of the Yankees (or those at least tangentially related to them) for their performances during the 2014 season. Unlike the other grades in our series that were well-thought out and striving for accuracy, these grades will be silly and based solely on the whims of the writer. If you have any issues with the grades feel free to take it up with your local member of Congress. With that being said, let's begin with these highly dubious grades.

John Sterling - Radio Announcer

Grade: D

2015 Status: "Voice of the Yankees"

Another year, another season of strange and occasionally embarrassing home run calls. Stephen Drew's beer-related...thing may have been his worst yet. Also, you never know what the hell is going on. If radio is the theater of the mind listening to John Sterling is like watching a stage version of "The Room".

David Cone - Television Announcer

Grade: A+

2015 Status: PSA Hero

He professed his love for this very site. Also said he would sooner die than not be able to read PSA again.* It doesn't get more perfect grade worthy than that. He's also pretty good at that announcing stuff, if that's your thing.

Dramatization. May not have happened.

Rookie - Trenton Thunder Mascot

Grade: B-

2015 Status: Adorable bat dog

Yes, he's a preposterously cute doggie that fetches bats. But he failed to win the Minor League mascot competition. And when I saw the Thunder this year, he was only out there for about three innings. Needs more grit and determination.

Bob Sheppard - PA Announcer

Grade: A

2015 Status: "Retired"

The legendary voice of Yankee Stadium finished up his final season announcing the at bats of the great Derek Jeter. If there is a rule against giving grades to deceased Yankee legends I'm not aware of it, and if such a thing exists I don't care.

Jerks Who Robbed Yogi Berra's Museum

Grade: F-

2015 Status: Burning in the pits of Hell

I'm not usually one for corporal punishment but surely a public flogging is in order in this case. Seriously, what the hell? Hopefully it gets late early...for criminals.

Yankee Stadium Concessions

Grade: C-

2015 Status: Crummy and expensive

The beer choice still stinks; Heineken is not a craft beer. And surely you could do better than trying to feed the poor people the reformed gruel that is Papa John's. Points added for the lovely garlic fries.

Rob Thomson

Grade: D-

2015 Status: Somehow not fired as third base coach

Thomson was so bad at his job that SABR-nerds will need to develop a formula for win probability decreased by assistant coaches. He would wave Brian McCann home in a suit of armor. I would have failed him but he gets points for his Twinkee-like survival ability.

Brian Cashman

Grade: Umm...well...

On second thought, let's not open that can of worms.

PSA Members

Grade: C

2015 Status: Hopefully not checking out some other Yankees-centric site

Not bad, but you can do better. I suggest starting off on the right foot by clicking the little green icon at the bottom of this post.