It's Halloween soon. People everyone are buying and putting the final touches on their costumes. As I don't know any, I assume professional baseball players are the same. I choose to believe that as we speak, Brian Cashman is planning a Halloween party to be held in the Yankees clubhouse, and no, you can't convince me otherwise. With that in mind, I asked the PSA staff what they thought the Yankees would be dressing up as.
Q: With Halloween approaching, what do you think the various Yankees are planning to dress up as?
David Robertson will be the Monopoly guy. Shawn Kelley will go as Reek.
Tex is going to dress like a newborn baby and force his wife to push him around in a stroller.
Ian Clarkin will be going as a classic pop culture figure from his childhood: Jimmy Neutron. Carlos Beltran will see him and feel very depressed in his Teen Wolf outfit.
Derek Jeter is dressing up as a member of the media, and he will be visiting their houses to pester them with banal questions about relationships with their neighbors and sewage pipe brands.
Brian McCann is dressing up as Officer Clean, Mr. Clean's straight-laced, no-nonsense uncle.
Mark Teixeira is dressing up as a baby, just so he can try to recapture the magic of his baby wrist. He has 3:2 odds of frightening local children, who will also receive Juice Press coupons instead of candy.
I think they'll all dress up as members of the Justice League, and it'll go a little something like this...
Eduardo Nunez: It's a foolproof plan, Phil! They'll never suspect a thing.
Phil Hughes: Ed....nothing about what you're doing is okay. I'd just like to point that out.
/Later at the Halloween party
Superman Jeter: So the site is going well so far. In time, we hope...
/Jeter is interrupted by the door slamming open
Nunez: Greetings, fellow heroes.
Zatanna Teixeira: Oh Lord no...
Aquaman CC Sabathia: Nunez...what are you doing man?
Nunez: Nunez? Who is this Nunez you speak of? I'm Krypto the Superdog!!!
Batman D-Rob: Ed, you're not dressed as a dog. You don't even have a cape on. You've just painted a mask on, badly, and for some reason.....you're wearing Jeter's jersey.
Nunez: There's no rule that says a Superdog cannot play shortstop for this team in 2015.
Flash Chase Headley: So the stories you told us were true? I thought you were just pranking McCarthy and me!
Wonder Woman McCarthy: Well don't we look foolish, huh Headley?
Nunez: Now batting for the Yankees.......Number 2.......Krypto...Superdog.......Number 2.
A good baseball team. It would be kinda cool if everyone dressed like their favorite members of a Royal household. So everyone laughs, then reach that moment when it sinks in for everyone at the same time. The Kansas City Royals could easily be at that point, the world champions. In fact they might end up being the first team in history to go 12-0 in the post season. The Royals: Best team in history.
Mark Teixeira will obviously go as Iron Man so he can finally feels what it's like not to be injured by a gust of wind.
Alex Rodriguez will visit the nearest 'Party City' and buy a Derek Jeter mask so that he can be welcomed with open arms, and eventually, play shortstop.
Brendan Ryan will go as the Grim Reaper because that is what it felt like every time he got an at-bat this season.
Brian McCann will of course go as Mr. Clean because all he would need is a clean, basic white t-shirt. Plus, he would spend Halloween just cleaning the locker rooms.
Brett Gardner will play an alien who is on earth to research various sports drinks, and what occurs when he dumps it on others.
Stephen Drew will go as a Yankee because that is pretty scary.
Masahiro Tanaka will come to the party as the Ace of Spades playing card.
Brett Gardner will make his grand appearance as the Monopoly guy.
Dellin Betances will ride up dressed as Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves, with a dozen huskies following behind him.
Michael Pineda will be Dancing Groot.
Brandon McCarthy is going to come as a player who just signed a contract with the NY Yankees. (Take the hint, Cashman.)
The Yankees are planning to dress up as various characters, for the latest team building exercise. For the second straight season, the reality of missing the playoffs has finally set in. Led by Joe Girardi playing the role of Captain America, plans are being devised in which to remedy this situation using his trusty binder.
Batman and Robin, played by Jacoby Ellsbury and Brett Gardner, will fly around the outfield to cover ground that the Tin Man (Carlos Beltran) cannot cover.
On the infield, Brian McCann will play the role of the "Big Bossman," enforcing all of the unwritten rules in baseball, while starting pitcher Masahiro Tanaka will play Superman using his superhuman splitter to strike out the universe.
Mark Teixeira will dress up in a bunny costume and probably actually go trick-or-treating, because that seems like something Mark Teixeira would really enjoy.
Francisco Cervelli will show up in a full-body cast. Everyone will find hilarious until they realize it's real and he broke every bone in a water-skiing accident.
David Robertson will forget its Halloween and stay in all night looking up yacht estimates.
And the now-retired Brian Roberts will be going as a ghost. He got a rock.
Now that we've given our answers, it's your turn. What will the Yankees be dressing up as for Halloween?