DeWayne Wise, LHP

A lower FIP than ace CC Sabathia, a higher ground ball rate than bowler Ivan Nova, a more clean-shaven face than Yankee Icon Andy Pettitte, and a more binder friendly throwing arm than veteran Hiroki Kuroda. All of that is true of DeWayne Wise and can be verified via internet. And while I acknowledged Wise's appeal as a lefty, he actually got out two consecutive right handed batters. That's seven more than Clay Rapada has retired in his six year career.

Facing Paul Konerko -- the most dangerous* hitter in the White Sox lineup -- Wise was careful with his pitches.

*Dangerous at the plate, not actually dangerous. Not Nyjer Morgan dangerous.

Unaccustomed to facing outfielders and having no idea what to expect, Konerko was probably going to take the first pitch no matter what. Wise, despite never pitching in the Major Leagues before, was able to skip a few chapters and turn his veteran savvy into pitching grit. He poured in a 79 MPH strike. Every PitchF/X database classified it as a change up (because big league pitchers do not throw 79 MPH fastballs**), but if you look at That Picture, Wise seems to have the standard four seam fastball grip. Shows what you know, PitchF/X databases.

But don't think that DeWayne Wise wasn't changing speeds and guile, gut, will, professional, veteran. Pitch number four was the slowest thrown by Wise: a 65 MPH soft toss that may have been a real, live change up. This was followed with the only pitch thrown by Wise that was actually recognized as a fastball. An 82 MPH stream of milk at the knees and just off the inside corner, Konerko was locked up. It was a pitcher's pitch, and dammit, in a seven run game with a journeyman outfielder pitching to a .400 wOBA hit machine, everything close should be a strike.

Undeterred, Wise again changed location, picking off another corner and inducing a harmless flyout to center field.

**Jamie Moyer! Below is a representation of DeWayne Wise's seven pitches and all of the four-seam fastballs thrown by Jamie Moyer on April 17th against the Padres.

While throwing DeWayne Wise's fastball, Jamie Moyer threw seven innings and gave up no earned runs. Somebody needs to do something about the Padres.

After making short work of Paul Konerko, Wise realized that he had been putting too much pressure on himself. This pitching shit isn't nearly as hard as Cory Wade keeps saying.

Another pitch on the corner and another out recorded. This time, the helpless victim was Alex Rios bouncing a chopper to shortstop. DeWayne Wise came to the ballpark to eat lunch and kick asses. By the ninth inning of a 14-7 beatdown, he was all out of lunch.