Getting Closer to Closing Time - or - I'm A Heyman

Mood Music - I'm A Scatman by Scatman John

I'd like to mention two things about the Mood Music for today's IGYARticle. The first thing is that our very own Lord Duggan had never heard this song until I linked it to him in one of our magical musical exchange AIM sessions. I feel that his life is now richer because of it. The second thing is that I was very tempted to once again start one of my articles with a parody of this song. If you did me the pleasure of reading the title before reading this paragraph, you should be able to figure out what this parody song would be named. It honestly fits perfectly since Heyman tends to just quickly scat gibberish and the fact that the artist of the original gem is called Scatman John. Just remove an H and it fits perfectly. This is seriously how my mind works. It's this combination of genius, stupidity, and silliness that gave you Game Thread War last week. Lord only knows what it will bring you next.

Now that I've lost your attention, allow me to get to the point of today's eight to twelve person commented on article. According to baseball insider and gibberish spewer Jon Heyman, it appears that even when David Robertson comes back from his stint on the DL he will no longer have the closer job. That job now apparently belongs to Rafael Soriano. I'd like to tell you who Heyman is quoting when he makes this announcement, but the only source I see quoted on his blog/Heypage is listed as either "people familiar with their thinking" or "one scout" and nothing more. I'd like to tell you who that one scout is. I'd really like some more creditability to this story other than "via Jon Heyman." I'd also really like to know why Heyman didn't contact PSA or myself on the subject. I think that we are people who are familiar with the Yankees thinking. Some of us, anyway. So now that Lt. Loco Contract is now our official closer, with or without actual proof, what does this mean for the Yankees, for D-Rob, and for the Lt.?

I've jumped the gun after the jump.

I'm A Scatman is truly a work of art. What is not a work of art is the topic that will soon be brought up ad nauseum once David Robertson comes closer to coming off the DL. The headlines will read "Soriano Should Keep The Closer Role" or "Will Houdini Get A Chance To Close Again?" and so on and so forth. Sides will be taken and thus will begin The Great Closer War of 2012. The Sacred Order of Soriano (SOS) will argue that his already proven closing experience, as well as his recent success as the Yankees closer, should guarantee him the spot even when D-Rob returns. Meanwhile the Disciples Of Houdini (DOH) will claim that he never got a fair chance cause of his injury and that he is the closer of the future. The battle will take place on the Plains of History and who is to say how long it will last. All that can be said is there will be no victor in this conflict. No matter the decision, much time and possibly many brain cells and lives will be lost. We all know it's coming. Closer War is upon us whether we risk it or not.

I should probably apologize for my nerdish exaggeration of what's about to happen. I'm not wrong though. Even with no proof except for "people familiar with their thinking," Heyman is just the beginning of this tempest. Hell, we've already seen a couple of Soriano fanposts already and I'm sure some D-Rob ones are on the way. As Soriano hopefully saves more games for the Yankees and as D-Rob gets closer to coming off the DL, the press room and talking heads will erupt with questions for Girardi and the Yankees front office about Soriano remaining the closer. Again, we all know it's coming. What does it mean though? Like everything the Yankees do, we do not know what the results will be for a while. Of course we could always base what it means on extremely short sample sizes. Many Yankee fans live for the famous Triple S. I, for one, do not. It's not hard to predict the outcomes though. I'll just use my Predictertron 5000 and jack out the results for you:

• Soriano = Closer. Houdini = 8th inning guy. Results = Success. Girardi = Genius
• Soriano = Closer. Houdini = 8th inning guy. Results = Failure. Girardi = Fire Girardi
• Houdini = Closer. Soriano = 8th inning guy. Results = Success. Girardi = Genius
• Houdini = Closer. Soriano = 8th inning guy. Results = Failure. Girardi = Really Fire Girardi

Pretty simple, huh? No matter what Girardi's decision is, it had better bunting work! Now that you know the results, lets further get into the arguments that will be presented by each side in the Closer War. This time I will not use any nerdish exaggerations:

• DARK, THE SKIES WILL BE WHEN oh right... Soriano is already a proven closer. He showed his closer uh...proven-ness when he pitched for the Tampa Bay Rays before taking the Steinbrenner's money, laughing all the way. Soriano has the mindset of the closer, something that cannot just be taught or given. Soriano has performed well as the Yankees closer thus far. Why should the Yankees change what's currently working? David Robertson was already the set-up man when the year began and he excelled at role. I don't trust Houdini as the closer due to the walking of batters.
  
• David Robertson is the superior reliever and should be used as the closer. It is not fair to take away the closer role from D-Rob after only two games. Soriano does not have a future with the Yankees whereas D-Rob is the potential closer of the future once Mariano Rivera retires. With Mo potentially coming back in 2013, this is the perfect time for D-Rob to attempt to learn the role if he is to succeed Mo in the future. I don't trust Soriano as the closer due to his past inconsistency with the Yankees.

I probably forgot some but I think I got the basics across. The key thing is that it works. As long as the decision works, there will be no complaining. I mean there will be less complaining. There will always be complaining. Are you happy? I'm really not looking forward to these complaints, whether in fanposts, game recaps, or especially game threads. This is why I've typed this article. I'm hoping that by talking about it before the storm, PSA posters can come to some sort of understanding about where they stand and why they feel that way. To start things off, I'll discuss my feelings on the matter.

I belong to DOH. While I don't think that the "closer" role is as important as people give it credit for, I recognize that the people that give it such important credit are the Yankees FO, manager, and probably a huge amount of the people who play the sport of baseball. Since D-Rob is the better reliever and has much more of a future on this team, I'd prefer him to take over for Mo. I don't trust Soriano as the closer because other than Mariano Rivera, it will take a while for me to trust anyone else as the closer over him, including Houdini. I do think that Soriano currently closing might be beneficial come the trade deadline. We have seen a lot of proven closers fail this year due to injury or sucking. Soriano could possibly be very useful as trade bait for some hungry, playoff seeking fish out there. The Yankees would still have Houdini and the rest of the bullpen has been doing well in the 7th/8th/set-up role.

That's where I stand on the issue. Where do you stand on the issue? Are you with SOS or DOH? Do you even care as long as Girardi's decision works? Did you know that you'll probably see a lot of Heyman if you watch the draft tonight? Should we create patches/emblems for SOS and DOH based on my stupidity?