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BREAKING NEWS: Cashman & Girardi Fired Due To Mishandling of Pineda

In a shocking development tweeted by twenty random knowledgeable sports tweeters whose combined total of followers equals one, Yankees manager Joe Girardi and Yankees GM Brian Cashman have been promptly, viciously, and somewhat comedically fired today by Hal Steinbrenner over the handling of Yankees future #2, or possible ace starter Michael Pineda, who was recently diagnosed with shoulder tendonitis and placed on the 15-Day DL. For those who might not remember, Yankees star hitting prospect Jesus Montero and permanent long relief in Pinstripes pitcher Hector Noesi were traded to the Seattle Mariners for the tainted Michael Pineda and soon to be ruined Jose Campos. Cashman and Girardi's termination comes as a shock as Opening Day is merely less than a week away.

Hal Steinbrenner nearly choked on his large slab of mutton at Medieval Times when he heard the news of this and was reportedly fuming as he was forced to miss the sword fight to deal with this latest development. According to various reports, all unconfirmed and pure, mindless, downright stupid speculation, Hal Steinbrenner's words on the phone as he was setting the wheels in motion to fire Cashman and Girardi were barely comprehensible and somewhat sounded like he was speaking in jive, but thankfully a translator was on the other end to make sense of his nonsensical gibberish. After his words were properly deciphered, Girardi and Cashman got the notice to "pack their bunting shit up and get the hell out of my organ sensation!" Some words may have been mistranslated.

More on this shocking development after the jump...

It was clear from the very beginning that this was a troubling and nerve wracking trade for the Yankees organ sensation. Even Brian Cashman, the brains behind this trade, was nervous about Pineda being able to develop a third pitch in order to make trading their highly flaunted hitting prospect worth it. However, it was also clear that the Yankees needed an abundance of "pitching, pitching, pitching" which is apparently a philosophy Hal Steinbrenner didn't agree with when the trade was made. He once said to reporters, "Listen, pitching duels are as boring as College Baseball. You know why we made the new Yankee Stadium the way we did? You know why we signed Alex Rodriguez to that crazy contract is? HOME. F$%KING. RUNS. DINGERS. That's what fans come to see and that's what Hal comes to see. That's what the damn pigeons in the rafters come to see! But the brain trust tells me better pitching will help us win championships. I think we've got plenty or pitching and championships. All I'm saying is, he better be right about this or it's both their asses!" Originally conceived as a silly drunken tirade, it appears that he was quite sober and serious when he said that, as here we are.

Brian Cashman could not be reached for a comment, but Joe Girardi was reportedly seen clutching onto his binder and swearing revenge. Brett Gardner could hear his now former skipper saying something in Latin or possibly the Black Speech of Mordor. "It was kind of disturbing, but then it always is. I just try to ignore it and focus on the game and what's best for the team." said Gardner to someone. Girardi then came out and spoke to reporters, or people who claimed they were reporters. "I'll tell ya, it's definitely kind of frustrating. I don't know how I got lumped into this, as I just did what I was suppose to. I mean I didn't make the trade. But, ultimately it's Hal's decision to make and ultimately I'll make sure to thank him for all the years I was allowed to manage." Girardi said as he then walked away smiling and laughing maniacally. Reporter-type people then turned to the players as they wanted to know how they felt about their manager being let go due to Pineda's supposedly mishandling. Here are some quotes...

"I know I've been scared of my development ever since I got to the majors, so I'll be honest, I'm a little relieved." -Ivan Nova

"Why do you think I've tried to keep everyone smiling and happy in the clubhouse so much? It was because of him, and I can tell you the clubhouse will be a lot less, well evil without that lunatic around! Who chants to a binder? That's just not cool." - Nick Swisher

"Do you know he threatened to get my 3,000th hit ball back from Mr. Lopez and set it on fire in some sort of bizarre ritual? Even when he was a teammate, I thought he had issues. Managerial status just made it worse, and I pray for the next team that hires him." - Derek Jeter

"I don't think he should've been fired over Pineda. I think he should've been fired for using Scott Proctor at any point in any ball game last year. We're trying to win here." -Russell Martin

To fill the managerial void, Hal Steinbrenner was quick to hire former Red Sox manager and now former ESPN host Terry Francona to replace Girardi. Steinbrenner supposedly did this not because he though Francona would make a better manager than Girardi, or because he thought Francona would lead this team to a World Series victory in 2012. According to trusted informants, Steinbrenner's goal of hiring Terry Francona was totally and 100% done out of pure, vicious spite towards the Red Sox, their fans, and ESPN as a whole, as Hal was quoted as saying, "F$%k those bean loving a$$$ticks in Boston, and f$%k their biased Red Sock loving, World Series predicting nipplemuffins in Bristol as well. Go ahead Red Sox fans. Boo Francona now, after all he's done for you. As for ESPN, you think you can offer him as much money as a Steinbrenner? Screw you and your contract. I'M RICH, BITCH!" Despite what Hal said, Terry Francona said he was "happy to be apart of this timeless organization and hopes to lead the team to a World Series victory in 2012." The Yankees players seemed happy to have Francona on board.

Meanwhile the Yankees are supposedly trying to court previous Yankees GM Bob Watson, who currently serves as Major League Baseball's vice president of rules and on-field operations, to replace Cashman as their GM. Bob Watson was the Yankees GM from October 23rd, 1995 to February 2nd, 1998. "You know, the really good years!", Hal Steinbrenner was quoting as saying when discussion Watson as the new GM. Watson has yet to accept or decline the offer.

Obviously this has come as a shock to everyone. Hopefully reporters or random, no-nothing tweeters will be able to get some statements from Brian Cashman on his termination, as well as speak to Michael Pineda about what he, this trade, and his shoulder injury have done to this organization as a whole in the past few hours. Also, we hear at Pinstripe Alley will make sure to discuss this in full, agonizing detail in the next few days before Opening Day rolls around, as well as try to gauge fan reaction to this turn of events. Also, this reporter hopes to get an exclusive interview with Lookout Landing's head writer Jeff Sullivan to see if he's heard anything on Jesus Montero and Hector Noesi's reaction to all of this.

More on this story as it develops. Let us know what you think, PSAers.