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For your punishment, you must write "steroids are bad" 500 times by Monday

In case you haven't heard, a PED suspension is imminent.  This was originally reported by Will Carrol of Baseball Prospectus, and as I take him to be a no-nonsense guy, I take the rumor seriously. 

At this point it appears that it is a National League pitcher who does not play in New York, and it's a "semi-big" but not "big" name. 

So, make your best guess on who the player is, what the drug is, and what his excuse will be.  Winner gets bragging rights. 

Fire away.

My guess: Livan Hernandez, Winstrol, and "I must have taken tainted diet pills". 

Update by jscape @ 3:20: The winner is Edinson Volquez, who is currently recovering from TJ surgery.  No doubt he'll use the Andy Pettitte defense.  h/t Thextreme71

Update by 3460kuri @ 4:55: according to ESPN -

Volquez said in a statement he received a prescription in the Dominican Republic as part of treatment to start a family with his wife. He said the drug was banned by Major League Baseball.

That makes Hilltop Park the only person to guess one of the categories correctly (excuse):

Derek Lowe

Viagra. Always wondered what those "four hours" would be like.

Congratulations my friend.