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The Tools of Ignorance: Saturday News

The forces of hyperbole and epic chronicle are out in full force around the Yankee Universe today.

Plant tongue-in-cheek, and let's take the tour.

Mainstream media first:

"Choke's On Them" says the Daily News.

By the time the Yankees were done batting around in the eighth, those fans may as well have been waving [their white towels] as a sign of surrender.

The NYPost says "Texas May Be Toast."

It was one of the worst single-game collapses by any team in any sport.

The Huffington Post (wait, really Google? They have a sports reporter, and his name is Stephen Hawkins? No joke) goes all caps in the headline: "Rangers Suffer 8th Inning MELTDOWN."

Darren Oliver, the only player who had been in a playoff game with Texas before this season, walked the only two batters he faced. Then Rodriguez, who had already struck out twice and made a fielding error to the delight of his former Texas fans, hit a hard grounder that hopped over Michael Young's glove at third base.

"He hit it hard and it took kind of a tricky hop at the end. I would have loved for it to have found my glove," Young said. "I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, that's for sure."

You know, Mikey, the fans back home already don't love your defense at third.  Might I suggest a small bout of insomnia to at least help their agita?

The NYTimes said: The rally "Rewrote the Script," which is funny since I'm sure most Rangers fans feel like they've seen this comi-drama before.

The Dallas News subtitles their analysis by claiming (without any solid evidence that I can find in their article) that "Teams rarely rebound from what Rangers' relievers did in Game 1."

The Dallas Observer, which seems to be more blog than newspaper, so forgive me if I've lumped them in the wrong group, says that "This team's all about "Antlers", but Oliver tonight is wearing goat horns." Wait, what?  He's been cuckoled?

Of course, the writer also offers this salient point for us to consider:

Next time some a-hole Yankees fan boasts about their sacred pinstripes, remind them their team wears boring-ass gray uniforms on the road.

The Star Telegram is slightly more even keeled:

This one, this mother of all local mother-roo collapses, will either forever stain the legacy of a Texas Rangers' franchise that has no legacy, or the pain will ease a bit by late this afternoon.
And on to the Blogosphere:

Our SBN sister-site, Lonestarball (which really impressed me with their rationality and baseball smarts when I visited yesterday, so a quick reminder against the sins of trolling), is taking a more rational "it's just one game and we've still got a game at home followed by Cliff Lee on the road" approach.

Except when it comes to the Michael Young non-play on Arod's liner, and his subsequent nonchalance.  My take from having watched the replay a few times: I don't think Young had time to move his feet and get in front of that ball.  There are a few 3B in the game with quick enough reflexes to spear that ball consistently- Beltre, Zimmerman, Longoria, Wright.  After that, it's just hope.

BronxBanter wonders how the Rangers use 5 pitchers in the 8th inning and none of them are elite closer Neftali Feliz.  Obviously, Ron Washington needs to go watch Mariano Rivera's Yankeeography a couple more times: multi-inning saves while the closer is in his 20s.

Fangraphs voices similar confusion.  I think Ron pulled a Torre- he had a great guy who was going to come in situation x, and would not be available for situation y, even if y was significantly more urgent.

Speaking of urgent, LoHud reports that Joba and I had a similar complaint about last night's 8th inning: we both needed to make a trip to the men's room, but baseball superstition clearly dictates that if you leave your seat or stop doing whatever you're doing during a rally, you will spoil the rally.  Like the line from Bull Durham, "You have to respect the streak."  Once the Yankees took the lead, I made the mental decision that if the Yanks pushed the game out of save territory, I'd get up and go.  Thankfully, everything worked out for everyone involved.