The Francisco Cervelli Facts

One of the hottest debates on Pinstripe Alley over the past few weeks has been centered around the catcher position. Should the Yankees give more playing time to the young, up and coming, defensive, youngster, Francisco Cervelli; or, should the Yankees continue to favor the bigger bat of wily veteran, Jorge Posada. Now some of the fans in the pro-Posada camp have leveled some skepticism about how quickly the fans in the pro-Cervelli camp have attached to this kid. I thought that I could share some little known facts about Cervelli to show why some of us have gotten so excited.

All of the following facts have been confirmed by Selena Roberts, with assistance from various anonymous sources.

  • 100 of the 112 home runs hit this season by the Yankees have been hit by Cervelli in various disguises. The last 12 by Cano, because no one can possibly impersonate Robbie.
  • After a game, Cervelli has been known to go out on the town with Derek Jeter. At this point, Jeter begs to be the wingman.
  • If you attempt to steal a base off of Cervelli, you are out, as are every member of your extended family.
  • Sammy Sosa was recently busted for injecting small portions of Cervelli DNA.
  • Cervelli can get a Jose Veras pitch called a strike. This is too far.
  • Many of the recent delays in Yankee games can be attributed to Cervelli. He alone can TRULY make it rain.
  • Cervelli has been banned from every bowling alley in America because of his obscene ability to facilitate strikes.
  • When the story of his life is put to the silver screen, Cervelli will bend the space time continuum so that he may be played by a 25 year old Al Pacino.
  • The only way to truly feel like Cervelli is to ask a hooker for a "frame job."

I think that is most of them, but I may have forgotten a few. Feel free to contribute, I think the more we know about this guy the better.

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