Yeah, so no one cares about boring personal stuff and blah blah but just so you all now, the I'm back up at school for the last two semesters to finish off my psychology degree. What with moving stuff up here - my parents and sisters are kind of ping ponging back and forth between Maine and Mass - and getting registered for classes (which involves busting some heads at the registrar) I've been here sporadically the last couple days. So yeah, that will change as I'm now free from competing with six other people for blogging time at home and I'm settled in up here. In other words, I should be around a lot more often than I was this summer.

Freud is still an idiot, by the way.

Okay GMDM, you may have noticed we have a slight problem scoring runs this season. You may have noticed that this was true last year, as well. The player who was brought to help fix this problem, Jose Guillen, has fallen flat on his fanny. The rest of the babies haven't helped out that much, either; David DeJesus is having his typical solid year, and Alex Gordon was as much fun as hyperactive kittens on roller skates against righties this year, but the fact remains that this team is pretty bad at hitting a baseball. Mike Aviles, a guy who still loses playing time to Tony Pena Jr., handily leads the Royals in position player VORP at 27.1. That's good for a tie for 68th in MLB alongside Alfonso Soriano. Aviles was not even in the team's plans as a utility guy at the beginning of the year, and has only accounted for 6.2% of the Royals PAs this year. In other words, that's not good. I mean, it's great for Aviles, but it illustrates a pretty ugly picture.

So, this brings me to the recent comments you made on 610 radio, which sadly I didn't have the pleasure of listening to. It's all right - don't bother telling me your exact words, some of my friends have clued me in. Basically what you seem to be suggesting is that, with the team that hitting with all of the prowess of a blindfolded six-year-old hyped up on smarties going after a "my little pony" pinata, there's not much chance of one Kila Ka'aihue being called up in September. Something about a 40-man roster, yadda yadda yadda.

This is kind of distressing news to me, I must admit.

 First of all, I am well aware of the possibility that Kila might just be a AAAA slugger, as 24 is pretty late as breakouts in AA go. I am aware that not many of the players with Ka'aihue's career path go on to become major league regulars. Okay? So understand that I'm rational about all this. The catch is, we are in the midst of yet another year where the Royals are entering September with nothing to play for but next year, so it seems rather counterintuitive to me that we wouldn't call up someone who could potentially fill a desperate need on this roster. And I'm all about going with the instincts, Dayton.

"Hawaiian Punch" as we blogging simpletons like to call him, hit .314/.463/.624 in AA this year. I won't waste time pointing out how good that line is, because your must have noticed. I'm assuming that because Ka'aihue's hitting earned him a promotion to the PCL in AAA ball. I wonder if you've noticed that he hasn't stopped hitting there. Yes, there might be some BABIP flukiness in his year, but Ka'aihue's 100-odd appearances in AAA have seen him hit .330/.455/.648. Yes, that's in the PCL, but we can take those numbers with a grain of salt and they're still pretty tasty. For the year, Hawaiian Punch has hit .317/.461/.630, with 100 walks and only 63 strikeouts. That's a 1.091 OPS. He could lose 300 OPS points in the transition to the majors, and he'd still be hitting better than Ross Gload. That's three hundred, as in a "3" followed by two "0s," Mr. Moore. That's the difference between Albert Pujols and our own David DeJesus. It's also an overrated movie based on an overrated graphic novel, too, but I digress. Back to my main point.

Ka'aihue has done nothing to but flat out rake in 2008, and if it costs us a 40-man roster spot to have him get a shot in September, then I promise you we've got some players lying around that really don't mean much. Off the top of my head, there's Tony Pena Jr., Joey Gathright, Ross Gload, Jeff Fulchino, Matt Tupman, and Shane Costa that all look like great candidates to be waived bye-bye. I'd include Kip Wells on this list, too, but you just claimed him so and I don't want to make you think that it's a better idea to get rid of Wells than it is to get rid of Ross Gload. I know I'm forgetting a bunch of players, too. Point is, clearing some of these bums off the 40-man roster would be addition by subtraction. If you were to give Ka'aihue a shot, it would be addition by subtraction AND Ka'aihue might keep hitting the ball, too.

Maybe I'm just an idiot who sits around and "disseminates his unqualified opinions to the masses," as my pal Stephen A. Smith has put it, but this just seems a common sense decision to me. Let me bullet point this for you:

• We do not have a good offense.
• We are a rebuilding team with nothing to lose at the moment.
• Kila Ka'aihue stands a half-decent chance at improving offense if we bring him up in September. He also might prove to be a long-term answer.
• Therefore, we should bring up Kila Ka'aihue.

As to the 40-man issue:

• We need a spot on the 40-man roster to bring Hawaiian Punch up.
• Tony Pena Jr. and other neverwillbes are on the 40-man roster
• DFA Tony Pena Jr., and...
• Surprise! Now we have space! We are not going to miss a glove man with a negative OBP. Shake a tree, and ten gloves fall out.

Now look, GMDM, I think you've done a pretty good job so far since you've taken over this team. I am willing to defend your work on more than one front, and I think you'll do a good job getting this team ready to make a run at contention. I tell you this because 1. it is true and 2. I'm about to make fun of you so I want you to know I'm doing so as a concerned friend.

See those bullet point arguments above, Dayton? Especially the first one? They seem a lot like this deeply-rooted-in-common sense argument which comes up quite a bit in "real life." Suppose there's someone you want to date (stay with me here, I know this may seem a little juvenile) and you know she's available. You could:

• Ask her to go on a date (with you, of course, make sure she knows that).
• Not ask her to go on a date.

And if you take the first course of action, there are really only two possible outcomes:

• She will say "yes," and you will go out.
• She will say "no," and you won't go out.
• She will die in a tragic blimp accident.

Sorry, forgot about that last one. Anyways, if you choose the second option, there is only one outcome:

• You won't go out.

Now, far be it for me to give relationship advice, being the only moddie around here who isn't married, but that's a pretty frigging simple equation. I understand why you don't want to tango with Ryan Shealy, Dayton - he disappointed you last year and you doubt he's changed much. I have to say, though, that Kila's available. He seems to be able to hit the ball. He has a nice smile. You might as well give the guy a shot. If he fails? What do we lose? More games? Ahahaha. Good one.

Come September, call up Kila Ka'aihue. I'm not sure if anyone in the minors this year has earned it more.

I bet you didn't know that I, too, can blockquote from books! This one is from Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut, part of a conversation between the main character, Kilgore Trout, and the truck driver he is hitchhiking with:

"I can't tell if you're serious or not," said the driver.

"I won't know myself until I find out whether life is serious or not," said Trout. "It's dangerous, I know, and it can hurt a lot. That doesn't necessarily mean it's serious, too."

I love Vonnegut's work, though I always take it as a bad sign when I find myself identifying with one of his characters. Such as Trout in this particular instance.

Good game tonight. Party on.

We did it. We broke the vaunted Curse of Will Getting Married. With a heroically crappy effort by Brandon Duckworth and an offensive explosion for seven runs in six innings off former good pitcher Kenny Rogers, your boys in blue are off the 'schneid.

• According to WPA, the Royals best pitcher in this game was Mudkip Wells. Let it never be said that Dayton Moore doesn't know how to fill out the back end of a pitching staff. To be completely fair to Wells, he actually was good as he K'ed two batters in as many scoreless innings. I wouldn't be surprised if he was in the mix for the back of the rotation next year. That just goes to show you what kind of guys can compete for the back of a rotation. And so on.
• Jose Guillen had a home run. I still dislike him, yes.
• Callaspo had three hits and a walk. The dude has deservedly taken some flak 'round these parts, but give credit where credit is due. Now have a few drinks and drive yourself home, Alberto. Just kidding, just kidding. Performances like tonight are why I was among the Callaspo-for-2B crowd in the first place.
• No one drowned at the pool today, though the hose is not working.
• RamRam and The Mexicutioner were back to their usual selves. I wuv them.
• Butler had a double and a walk, which we like. German continued to play competently with a bingle and walk, which we like. Teahen had 3 RsBI and didn't fall over in the batter's box, which we think is something. The borg is pleased.
• Ross Gload 3oy893gh5q90gh3gh9ehgIHATEHIMga43y3hbvzbvb
• DeJesus and Olivo are not hitting. Oh, well. At least someone hit today.
• We are not the Chiefs, which must count for something. I think. Maybe.
• Next up is Texas, then we go back head-to-head with the Tigers again. Let the excitement build.

Another Bannister start, another good time at the ballpark for the opposition. To be fair, Bannister's two home runs allowed have been Miguel Cabrera solo shots. Just think, if he could avoid making those mistake pitches, he might be good! And we can't hit Verlander so far. And Ross Gload is 3-for-3, as his empty batting average rises to help guarentee his starting spot next year. And Gordon's hurt. Other than that, this game has been great.

Party on.

No loss ever feels good, even when you play with the grit of a Ross Gload type, but this one stings where it hurts. Gil Meche was absolutely stellar after allowing three runs early, two of which go in the "unearned" bin. All told, Meche gave up only two hits, walked one, and struck out nine over seven innings. His ERA (yes I know ERA isn't that great of a stat, believe me) was lowered to 4.01 in the process. That's an impressive feat given how he started this season and this game. Unfortunately, Ramon Ramirez and Joakim Soria couldn't hold the lead. That's probably the only time this year we've seen that sentence, which doesn't make this loss hurt less. Off the top of my head, only "the Twins game" tops this one in terms of bullpen meltdowns. Fans always remember the close losses and forget the blowouts...yadda yadda yadda, but when you get an effort like this one out of Meche, it's one of hell of a game to shake off. To the bullet points:

• We haven't been swept yet. Isn't that looking on the bright side? Greinke goes tomorrow in a 12:05 EST getaway day game that I'll miss entirely. Cheer Zack on, people. We could really use a win.
• Pumpkinhead Fulchino recorded as many outs as Soria did: one. Fulchino succeeded in lowering his ERA to 9.90.
• Royals relievers in this game combined for one inning, four walks, three hits allowed, and two dingers surrendered. Ugly.
• Mike Aviles should be intentionally walked by any unfortunate lefty who has to face him. He went 3-for-4 today and was the only Royal with a multihit game.
• Beer, anyone?
  

And so we return triumphantly to last place.

After everything that happened in that game, somehow you just knew that it would come down to Brett Gardner versus Jeff Fulchino. Blah blah blah some other stuff about how painful extra inning losses like this one are. Some rational thoughts:

• I really don't hate Trey Hillman, but if Soria was avaiable it's hard to stomach the fact that we lost an extra innings game without him appearing. I hope Hillman learns from his mistakes.
• That said, Joel Peralta and Robinson Tejeda both pitched well
• Our offense is not good at hitting baseballs well.
• Zack Greinke was very, very, very great today. Too bad the defense caved.
• Alex Gordon hit a home run and had two walks. Mark Teahen had tow hits. Mike Aviles went 0-for-6. Is it OPPOSITE DAY?!?!

After a game that thrilling, the rest of the night will be an anticlimax.

PS: it's okay, Hosmer signed. At least we are not fans of the Washington Nationals.

Our beloved Royals and the big market oppressor known as the Yankees are tied 2-2 and headed for extra innings. Zack pitched great, Gordon homered, and we fielded like a minor b little league team on valium in the 7th. And I missed it. Hooray.

The Royals are down 3-2 in the sixth, and Jo-El has come in to save the day after another "meh" outing by Hiram. Jose Guillen is so clutch that he doesn't even have to shift when he drives a stick.

True. Blue. Tradition.