Vidal Nuno and the day of dread

Adam Hunger-USA TODAY Sports

Hey, things could always be worse. Maintain your newly found optimism!

It's pretty rare for a team to not have a starting pitcher that their fans don't fear taking the mound. Even teams with legendary pitching staffs were likely to have a member that would make their supporters wonder if they should just go run errands that day. I'd wager fans of the 1995 Atlanta Braves were wondering if they should mow the lawn when Steve Avery and his 4.67 ERA was taking the mound. The Yankees don't have a corps of starters at quite that level, but they've got four guys of quality ranging from pitching deity (Masahiro Tanaka) to mostly competent (David Phelps). But then our eyes turn to Vidal Nuno, who has been fifty shades of awful this year.

Yes, Nuno is doing the pitching today. And he's a below average lefty facing the likes of Nelson Cruz and his Herculean 232 wRC+ against southpaws. Among pitchers with at least fifty innings pitched in 2014, Nuno's ERA is the fifth worst (Clay Buchholz is first if you wanted to have a hearty chuckle). Even at his best, Nuno was probably the eighth-best starter the Yankees had in their stable, and in spite of that less than lofty standing he's clearly fallen short of expectations. Obviously I've said nothing to convince you that you would be better off watching the game than building a birdhouse or going grocery shopping, but hang on, I'm going to persuade you that the good times for the Yankees are going to continue today.

Do not fret, fellow Yankees fan. After last night's amazing walk-off victory capping off the team's four-game winning streak against division rivals, we are living in a happy baseball landscape filled with nothing but good times and shiny victories. There is no pain now, only joy. I can assure you that Nuno is going to not be terrible today. He is going to be powered by the mystical and most assuredly nonexistent energies of team momentum and winning atmosphere and not give up four homers. Cruz is not going to smack a ball that enters the moon's orbit and Nuno will make it through at least five innings while not making your eyes bleed with his performance. He will pick up the victory thanks to being aided by a Yankees offense that doesn't hit like a T-Ball team with runners in scoring position. No, we are now in a brave new world of the Yankees being good again, and Nuno will follow suit.

Did I write this multiple-paragraph and seemingly aimless screed simply because I'm (possibly literally) high off of the wonderful vibes of last night's phenomenal victory? Is there really no legitimate statistical evidence to support my thinking that Nuno will actually be an okay pitcher today? Yes, there is the possibility that those statements are both true. But hey, sometimes you just want to write something that enhances your good mood. Vidal Nuno is going to pitch well today: callin' it.

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