What is it with those humans anyway? Always walking around, being weird, saying weird things, tweeting out weird pictures. Like Randy Levine, President of the New York Yankees, a man who is quickly becoming my favorite person in baseball. I would like to sit down in a room with Randy. Actually, that would probably be too close for comfort—I would like to sit on one side of a great hall with Randy sitting far away on the other side, both of us communicating with loudspeakers. I would like to ask him things. I would like to pose questions: Randy, do you think it was appropriate to suggest in an email to Alex Rodriguez that Robinson Cano should take steroids? Randy, what happened to your sideburn?
We were discussing this the other day, and the leading theory is that Levine was trying to shape the sideburn a certain way, but it kept going wrong, and then he kept trying to get it right until he realized there was nothing there anymore. Hey, it happens, especially with one of those special electric razor gizmos. You get too hyperactive with those and soon your whole face is ruined.
How did the conversation go when Levine rolled into the office that day? Or, more accurately, how did the email conversation go when Levine rolled into office that day?
Cashman (email@example.com): What happened to your face, Randy?
Levine (firstname.lastname@example.org): wut
Cashman: Your sideburns are, like, mad whack.
Levine: idk wat u r talking about evidently neither do u since U HAVE NO HAIR oh sick burn tho
Levine: hey bri… lunch at brother jimmy’s?
Levine: bri? :(
A-Rod Applauds His Own Single
U ARE THE MAN I TOLD U THAT FOR YEARS U CAN AND WILL DO IT
A-Rod Applauds His Own Baserunning
The five judges scored A-Rod an 8.1, 7.2, 7.2, 7.0, and a 5.4 for his ‘Clap Blow It Up’ move, with the Belarusian judge issuing the lower score there.
In Rare Absent Minded Moment, A-Rod Forgets to Applaud Himself
My favorite part is the dude holding up the Boston cap. That guy is great!
Randy Levine Searches for Things
Awkward Photo-Op Cashman
Awkward Photo-Op Steinbrenner feat. Girardi + McCann
Steinbrenner goes from full-on fake smile to half-hearted fake smile. Girardi was mugged by a surgeon who had giant Botox syringes for arms, so that explains why his face can’t move. And Brian McCann looks like he’s on a Quaalude or something.
Levine: brian is da astral plane gud
And lest you think this has nix to do with baseball, it is actually a moment from a recent Christmas-related charity event held by CC Sabathia. IS THAT YOU, VOLTRON?
Because it is (or was recently) the holidays, enjoy these bonus GIFs! (Really they’re just cuts from past posts, and I don’t have the heart to delete them.)
- Yankees rumors: Could Ichiro Suzuki be traded to the Giants?
- Yankees Hot Stove: Austin Romine could be available
- Alex Rodriguez verdict not likely to be announced until after Hall of Fame
- Yankees hot stove: Cheap free agent pitching options
- Yankees hot stove: Vernon Wells wants to stay with the Yankees