Ranking the weirdest items in the Yankees' minor league affiliates' team stores

Michael Heiman

For the sports fan in your life that needs a Thomas Neal RailRiders jersey.

Any online sports team store you go to will have its fair share of weird items. Most baseball teams will have hats in other colors than the official team colors. Or they'll put the logo on the brim for no apparent reason. But if you dig a little deeper, you can find the really weird items. And when you go to minor league team stores, you can find some especially weird items. Here are the five strangest items in the online team stores for the Yankees minor league affiliates.

Staten Island Yankees

5. SI Yanks Clingy Monkey

Clingy_monkey_300_medium

via siyanks.milbstore.com

The Staten Island Yankees have a large collection of stuffed animals available, only some of which have anything to do with the team. I'm not sure what this monkey has to do with the team.

4. Panda Bear

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via siyanks.milbstore.com

That is one smug looking stuffed panda.

3. Bulldog Beanie

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via siyanks.milbstore.com

You cut off this stuffed bulldog in traffic and now it wants to fight you.

2. Youth Scooter Tee

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via siyanks.milbstore.com

Scooter the Holy Cow is a pretty solid mascot, but putting it on a child's t-shirt with hollow, dead eyes is a bit much.

1. Scooter the Holy Cow Foam Head

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via siyanks.milbstore.com

AAH NO PLEASE MAKE IT STOP

Charleston RiverDogs

5. Bark Doll

Bark_300_medium

via riverdogs.milbstore.com

The RiverDogs apparently have a tree mascot. Okay.

4. Build My Bobble customizable bobblehead

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via riverdogs.milbstore.com

I've seen "customizable" bobbleheads where the face part is a picture frame and you can put anyone's face in there. This seems a bit different. You have to contact the team to get an order form and they will apparently make the bobblehead look like you. I would have liked that when I was seven, but now that just seems really creepy.

3. Microfiber Fleece Crewneck

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via riverdogs.milbstore.com

Nothing that weird about the shirt other than that it was listed in the "Caps" section.

2. Jorts T-Shirt

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via riverdogs.milbstore.com

No, stop.

1. i saw a rod at the joe tee

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via riverdogs.milbstore.com

Not sure how many people actually bought this. Also the lack of hyphen between "A" and "Rod" on the shirt makes this shirt a tad awkward.

Tampa Yankees

1. The Whole Store

The entire Tampa Yankees online team store is practically one giant dead link. Most of the pictures don't work. To place an order you must send them a written request and can only pay in check or money order. Okay.

Trenton Thunder

5. Thunder Tattoos

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via thunder.milbstore.com

Because sometimes the temporary tattoo machine in the grocery store runs out.

4. Original 1994 Inaugural Season Patch

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via thunder.milbstore.com

Intern: "Mr. Johnson, we just found a 20-year-old box of 500 patches from the first season, should we just throw them away?"

Boss: "No, put them on the team store and sell them for $10."

3. Trenton Thunder Player OYO

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via thunder.milbstore.com

Because who doesn't want a Trenton Thunder branded rip-off Lego man?

2. Infant Raspberry Creeper

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via thunder.milbstore.com

Uh, sure.

1. Thunder Foam Finger Set

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via thunder.milbstore.com

The one that looks like lightning is kinda cool, considering the team name. What I have a problem with is the amount of detail on the two real hands. Maybe I'm wrong about this, but I don't think most foam fingers have detailed fingernails on them.

Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders

5. Foam Conductor Hat

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via railriders.milbstore.com

I really enjoy that the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre has gone with a porcupine as a mascot (as you can see with my SB Nation picture). I'm just really not sure why they also needed a train theme.

4. '47 Brand Women's Red Clovis Hat

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via railriders.milbstore.com

To a certain extent, I get why teams make hats other than the ones that they wear on the field. I personally would never wear a orange and green Yankees hat, but I sorta get why they exist. I do not get why this hat exists.

3. Champ Mascot Hat Blue

Champhat_300_medium

via railriders.milbstore.com

Champ is the second best of the RailRiders' three mascots. He is a...I don't know what he is. But he's no Quills the Porcupine.

2. Adult Tattoo Sleeve

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via railriders.milbstore.com

For just $5 you can have this RailRiders-branded fake tattooed arm! Somehow this isn't number one, because:

1. Game Worn Joba Chamberlain Batting Practice Jersey

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via railriders.milbstore.com

Oh look, a game worn Joba Chamberlain jersey for sale for $275 hasn't been sold yet. I AM VERY SURPRISED. Seriously, WHO WANTS THAT? The RailRiders store says "This jersey is game worn. We are not responsible for any stains, rips, tears, or pulls in the fabric." It's Joba so, ew. Also, if it's a batting practice jersey, shouldn't Joba have worn that in every appearance he made last season.

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