Swing and a GIF: Matrix-like fielding, Birardi, and Excited Ivan Nova

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

If you're looking for out-and-out dysfunction, you've come to the right place.

Let me tell you what a GIF is: it is a document of the human condition. Each GIF is a snapshot, a moment in time—a time-slice, as I once heard it referred to in a hot doc about string theory and multiple universes presented by my boy Brian Greene—that is capable of capturing the full gamut of human emotions and behavioral states. Joy? We have that. Confusion? We have that. Pain? We have that. Pure, unadulterated dysfunction? Please believe. Consider the following:

An Excited Nova

804795961_medium

804796012_medium

Credit to Sydlexia for the original screenshot.

Great Moments in A-Rod History

804794817_medium

I like the guy in the back who applauds immediately at the first sign of a fight breaking out. What a dynamite individual—I’d love to get to know him better.

80 Carom Wrangling Tool

804796257_medium

After losing his 80 frame tool status, Chris Stewart can now claim to be an 80 predictor of ball ricochets. So said manager Joe Girardi who, when asked to comment on the catcher’s critical passed ball, said only that he thought "Stewie played the carom off the wall really well, and that’s why we have him here. He’s a gamer."

binderwillbind.gif

804795874_medium

In which no one bothers to tell the outfielders—the three position players farthest from the dugout—about defensive changes.

Utility GIF: Judgmental Paul Simon

804796331_medium

Paul Simon hears what you have to say, thinks deeply about it, and then decides it’s garbage.

Automatic Fielding

804796468_medium

804796413_medium

I’ve just sent off an email to the Commissioner’s Office about Performance Enhancing Instincts, and I expect to hear rumors of impending suspensions shortly. I talked off-the-record to a noted and highly sanctimonious beat reporter who wished not to be named. "Those instincts aren’t normal," he said. "They’re cat-like. This is Biogenesis all over again. This is Cat-ogenesis."

Anatomy of a Crowd: Baltimore Magic Bullet

The poor woman being struck in the head is the least interesting thing about this GIF. To say that a baseball to the head is painful is so obvious as to be redundant. (Her head stays awfully rigid, as we can see in this super close-up.) Rather, consider the fantastic reactions of those around her.

Camera guy

Subject zero, who I’ll go ahead and call Harold, is struck by the ball prior to the woman (it appears to clip his beefy forearm). Meanwhile, Harold attempts to catch the ball with camera in hand! Luckily for the camera, both his timing and location is off, and I suppose thank god for that.

Bomb shelter guy

We all know that nothing is more dangerous than a baseball in the wild. An untamed baseball has the force of 1,000 Hiroshima-level warheads. Per this alarming statistic, this man takes appropriate duck-and-cover action, serving as a role model for all the kiddies watching at home.

Reeling woman

woah

T-Rex arms

Not just one, but two.

Slick moves bro

No words for how dope this guy’s moves are. I don’t know what that thing is called when you slick your hand back like that, but this guy’s technique is, in a word, superior. I want this to be adopted as the de facto reaction for whenever there’s some baseball-related mishap in the stands—flow back, move on.

Cackling woman

YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY GUYS

SOMEBODY BEING HIT IN THE SKULL THAT’S WHAT

Vietnam vet

I’d like to thank you for your service, Sir.

Bonus: She Only Wanted to Be Happy

Find our previous outing here, and follow us on Twitter for more hot GIF action.

More from Pinstriped Bible:

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Pinstripe Alley

You must be a member of Pinstripe Alley to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Pinstripe Alley. You should read them.

Join Pinstripe Alley

You must be a member of Pinstripe Alley to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Pinstripe Alley. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker