Yankees vs. Orioles: Monday Night Fights

"Binder says I would've won." - Greg Fiume

Joe Girardi and Buck Showalter almost came to blows. We look at how the matchup could have turned out.

I will first admit: I'm not a real fan of baseball fights. They're always incredibly sloppy and between guys of usually completely different sizes. Or you get a scintillating matchup between Pedro Martinez and remnant of the Paleozoic Era Don Zimmer. I prefer my fights to be between combatants of similar skill and build, without interference from an angry mob. Baseball "fights" are more akin to a drunken bar brawl than anything else. But a manager fight!? I think I would make an exception for something as weird as that. It's almost as good as a mascot fight.

Yankees manager Joe Girardi and Orioles manager Buck Showalter had to have the umpiring crew stand between them as they got into a shouting match near home plate in between innings on Monday night. MASN reported it was due to Girardi talking to an Orioles' player, while YES suggested it was because Girardi thought the Orioles were stealing signs. Regardless, the two were stopped before they could engage in fisticuffs, unfortunately. But what if they had? For that, we go to the tale of the tape.

Joe "Birardi" Girardi

Age: 48

Height/Weight: 5' 11", 195 lbs.

Signature Move: "The Tie That Binds"

William "Buck" Showalter

Age: 57

Height/Weight: 5' 9", 195 lbs.

Signature Move: "The Showstopper"

Girardi has a slight edge in size on Showalter and is nine years his junior. He also appears to be in significantly better shape, as evidenced by his creepy, veiny arms. Buck seems to be sporting a bit of a paunch these days. But Showalter has a reputation for being an antagonizer, so he might try to play mind games with his opponent. Maybe Girardi's usually dormant rage that surfaced in Fenway Park could be an asset. Neither of the men appears to have a background in any martial arts or military training. All things considered I would have to install Girardi as the early favorite.

Since this is a baseball fight, however, one has to consider the teams as a whole when figuring how this manager match would turn out. You only get a couple of seconds before both teams flood the field and start falling all over one another. And Girardi would have to get his licks in fast, because the Orioles are loaded with strapping young lads. Just Chris Davis alone could take on half the Yankees by himself, the man is gigantic. Being old and frail is not particularly beneficial when it comes to getting involved in a baseball scrum. And considering the way 2013 has gone, the Yankees players would probably just have injured themselves anyways.

So it was probably for the best that cooler heads prevailed, it likely wouldn't ended well for Girardi and the Yankees. And they certainly can't afford any suspensions to their important players down three games in the Wild Card race. But part of the fun of baseball lies in its absurdity, and we nearly had one such example of it Monday night.

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