Overheard at A-Rod's House

Jonathan Daniel

Setting: Alex Rodriguez's beach house

Attendees: Alex Rodriguez, Gio Gonzalez, Nelson Cruz, Yasmani Grandal, Melky Cabrera, Cesar Carillo.

A-Rod: Well boys, we seem to have gotten ourselves in a bit of a pickle. What should we do about it?

Melky: I already served my suspension, so I’m good to go.

Gio: I’m fine too. I was just using zinc, and it’s not even banned.

A-Rod: Good idea, Gio, let’s start a band. First, let’s think of a name. No. First, instruments. I call saxophone. Okay, our first single should be a cover of the most patriotic song of all time, "Rock n Roll Never Forgets" by Bob Seger. For the name I’m thinking "Hot Guys with Hardbodies." I’ll have my guy do an airbrush of the CD cover. What animal body do you guys want under your head?

Yasmani: I don’t think a band is the best idea. I have to serve a 50-game suspension, and I need to keep myself sharp for when I come back.

Cesar: I’m still trying to make my way back to the big leagues.

Nelson: Did we even go to the same fake doctor?

A-Rod: Hmm... We could all start dating famous women. Remember the time I dated Madonna? Nobody was talking about how many steroids I was using then. Madonna might be my greatest accomplishment.

Gio: She turned 40 when I was 13. Only four guys have ever hit more home runs than you. That is a way bigger accomplishment.

A-Rod: But I’m still only fifth. How many guys can say they have been with Madonna?

Melky: Ummm…Yeah.

A-Rod: I just want you guys to know you really mean the world to me, and I’m so happy you came over. To commemorate this moment, I got us all pinkie rings that spell "friends" when we put them all together.

Yasmani: There’s only six of us. Friends has seven letters.

A-Rod: I know. I left the "I" out. There’s no "I" in team, so there doesn’t need to be one in friends. Derek Jeter is always telling me there is no "I" in friends. I think that is what he is saying. No. Wait. I got the words mixed around. He always says, "I am not your friend."

Melky: This was a terrible idea. I would know: I once got traded for Jonathan Sanchez.

A-Rod: Let me ask you guys a question, do you think that a cowboy who has never ridden a bull before, but is about to, tells his buddies, this is my first rodeo? Something to think about for the next band practice.

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