Open Letter To Jay Z

Open Letter to Jay Z

Dear Dickwad,

You crazy for this one, Jay! This is almost as bad a move as My Lifetime, Vol. 1, and that shit was bad. You went and made the Yankee hat less famous than a Yankee can. How could you?! It seemed like just yesterday you and Alicia Keys were kicking off Game 2 of the 2009 World Series, rocking that same Yankees hat, belting out Empire State of Mind, sending chills through the crowd and catapulting us to yet another World Series title, as we rode the wave of a great playoff run and a super catchy hip hop single. "The new Sinatra?!?!" You think Sinatra would have sent DiMaggio to Cleveland or St. Louis?!?! Hell fuckin' no!

This was about money, I get it. You’re not a business man, you’re a BUSINESS, MAN. Do you, Jay. You went from nothing to something. You started from the bottom, now you’re here. I know that’s a Drake song, you know-it-all prick. And fuck you too, Drake. But how the hell can you proclaim to be a Yankees fan, and love this city, then be the main culprit in driving our best player, (INSERT SAM JACKSON VOICE HERE) in his mutha-phuckin’ prime, out of town, and out of Yankees lore? How could you, Jay? You have it all - fame, fortune, a hip hop legacy, a business empire, (CUE SAM JACKSON) mutha-phuckin’ Beyonce, and what do we have?!?! We have the Yanks, and a star player like Cano…or we had a star player like Cano. (SJ) Robinson Mutha-Phuckin’ Cano!!! But not anymore, Jay. Now we have Kelly Johnson. And that sucks, way beyond a reasonable doubt.

So when you see me in the streets cousin, don’t look at me with that ugly Jay Z face. As Yankee fans, we have the right to heckle and boo you upon sight, forever. This is Walter O'Malley territory. Don’t wear that Yankees hat anymore. Wear a Mariners hat. Sit in the box seats at Safeco, with Beyonce. I hope her hair frizzes in that miserable Seattle weather, and she looks as ugly as she does in all those vacay pics, when she hasn’t gone through four hours of hair and makeup. And I hope your ten percent on this deal makes up for all the respect you lost in this town. The heart of the city - that's right where you stabbed us.

I do like your music, but fuck it, I’ll listen to Yelawolf, or if I want BedStuy, I’ll listen to fuckin’ Maino. Okay, maybe not Maino, but you get what I'm saying. On to the next one. You’re a traitor. A bum. You make a few bucks, we lose our best player. But what do you care? Maybe you'll care about this, Jay - Yeezus was way better than MCHG! Yes. I said it. Fuck it. Besides a couple of tracks (fuckwithmeyouknowigotit is fiii-ya!) that shit sucked. It sucked worse than being a Mariners fan, and it sucked worse than the Brooklyn Nets (#lololololololol), and it sucked worse than being a hated man in your own town. We lost one - you lost an entire city of Yankee fans.

U obviously don’t know, Jay. Go shove a Blueprint up your ass, 1, 2, and 3.

Gone Forever,

Diehard Yankees Fan and No Longer Jay Z Fan

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