Every player was out getting bought a few days ago, but now it's all over. What happened? It's like the world went and got dead. So quiet! Shhh—I can hear a mountain lion stepping on a twig five miles north. Here’s something that’s self-evident: the offseason is significantly more fun when everybody’s throwing money around. Even if you don’t especially like a deal, you can—and do—derive a great deal of pleasure bagpiping your opinions as to why this Marlon Byrd deal is worse than that time your buddy vomited all over your Ottoman.
So, now, nothing baseball will ever happen again until deep March. Sad face. But as I hope you’ll recall, one of the Yankees’ most recent purchasings was Carlos Beltran, a man who can run, dive, catch, swing, hit, and see, all things important to playing baseball. Yet players aren’t robots that do all the things you’d like them to do at your command. They’re humans. They have personalities. They have feelings. They do things. Here are some of the things Carlos Beltran does.
Has Been Known to Be a Pretty Good Mike Trout Impostor (a PGMTI)
Watching this live, I remember thinking with my brain, "Hey, that’s a pretty good catch!" And it kind of seemed like it was being downplayed by everyone. Joe Buck didn't seem very excited, though that's nothing new. But please. That’s a good catch, people! It’s slightly amplified by the fact that he felt the need to let his glove drip down behind the fence for a moment so everyone was all like, "Has it gone? Lol no he has it!" But it’s not the first time Beltran has pulled such circus tricks:
Here he is in the MLB Baseball World Baseball Classic, blocking a would-be home run issued by his then-future teammate Brian McCann. Coincidence? Yes.
Has Been Known to Have an Okay Arm
That’s pretty lame baserunning, though that’s not a bad looking slap hit there.
Has Been Known to Laugh Succinctly
Has Been Offended By Craig Sager
Has Been Known to Be Unclutch
Has Been Known to Be Clutch
What we’ve learned, then, is that 50% of the time Beltran will be clutch, and 50% of the time he will be unclutch. This rich and compelling analysis aptly reflects all conversations about clutchness.
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
Has Been Known to Have Muscle
Hey! Those are A-Rod type antics! ARREST HIM! HOW DARE HE SHOW JOY AND AN ENJOYMENT OF THE GAME
Has Been Known to Have Range
That was some years ago, though. Now he actually moves backwards, like he was never really there at all.
Click here to see a slightly larger attempt at this GIF.
JAPANESE DANGER TO YOUR HEALTH CARTOON VOLTRON ATTACK
All credit, by the way, to the people who originally created these GIF Japanimations. I just found them through a Google image search and then wrapped a little Belt around them, so these last two aren’t really on me.
Consider also, as extras, a mild baserunning gaffe, a humble hat tip, and a pointing at you over there in the dugout because I just did something good and thank you. Contact us on Twitter at at-sign yankeesgifs (no space, not case sensitive) and touch these characters for more GIFs.
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