The following truth may be a truth too cold for you to bear: no Major League Baseball is played during the offseason. I pray that horrible fact hasn’t sent you scurrying away, wailing "why god why" while retreating to your bedroom and sinking deep beneath the covers, fetal position accomplished, your own tears your only sustenance until spring.
Yes, not having baseball is a terrifying prospect, but it is one that we must stomach and live through every year, and this year I have a plan: old ballgames, new GIFs. Ingenious! And so we will, each week, revisit a classic game from Yankees history and pull out some moments that might typically go overlooked. This week: David Brian Cone’s perfect game. Cone’s perfect game was a perfect game, the sixteenth in Major League history, the third in Yankees history, the first to occur on Yogi Berra Day, and the first to occur on a day when Don Larsen threw out the ceremonial first pitch. Of course, Larsen pitched his own perfect game, and yes it’s a nice coincidence that both Larsen and Cone were involved in the same occasion, but really that’s meaningless. Let’s just keep moving forward.
Hello I Am David Cone
In the future, all internet discussion will take place through GIFs. You won’t type the name "David Cone;" instead, you’ll just post this GIF. So, here we are, years ahead of the curve. (Curb? No, curve.) Embrace the future! Never don’t GIF!
Paul O’Neill Makes a Catch
Vladimir Guerrero Striking Out
This has been your Vladimir Guerrero striking out GIF.
"Coney’s pitching a good game!" Murcer said, driving the point home with a hearty arm nudge.
Utility GIF: Cone Stare Down 1
Utility GIF: Cone Stare Down 2
Giddy Tim McCarver
"There are a lot of rules that, either applied directly or indirectly, that umpire’s decisions often... or, umpire’s judgments often... if an umpire in this particular case thinks obstruction, a guy in... a guy obstructing and impeding a guy going to the next base, he could call it. Otherwise, no call."
I look forward to Harold Reynolds carrying the torch of absolute nonsense next year.
Applauding 90s Bros
We may have plenty of GIFs of bros from our present era, but let us not forget the 90s, the second greatest 20th century decade. (It goes 60s, 90s, 50s, 80s, 30s, 40s, 70s, 20s, 10s, and 00s.) Are those cargo shorts? Good god I hope so. Sadly, no wallet chain.
Chuck Knoblauch Makes a Play
This came in the eighth inning.
Everybody in the ballpark: Shit, it’s gone to Knoblauch
Three seconds later: HOLY HELL KNOBLAUCH
That was the straightest he’d ever thrown a baseball, and I suppose thank god for that.
Evidently the binder was experiencing a Blue Page of Death.
Okay, normal operations have resumed.
Euphoria and Victory
Victory and Euphoria