Yankees GIFs: A verdict on Alex Rodriguez

John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Spo

With the meaty bit of Alex Rodriguez's arbitration hearing ahead of us, I ask the question that nobody else has been foolish enough to ask: why not just render a verdict by looking at some GIFs?

Word on the street is that Alex Rodriguez is being called to testify in his own case, "Old Man Who Has Trouble Hearing (and Who Frequently Seems to Have a Band-Aid Affixed to His Face) vs. Alex Rodriguez." Word on the street is right. However, I believe I can save everyone a grueling ten days of testification and deliberation over arbitration—I believe we can judge the character of a person through GIFs.

Presently, the body of Alex Rodriguez is lounging somewhere within an undoubtedly humid Californian house, riddled sick through and through by the virus influenza. So until Cousin Yuri brings him that sweet, sweet Tylenol, we’re left hanging painfully off tenterhooks. But pull those barbs from your supple skin, friends: I have searched far and wide for the finest video evidence of acts committed by Big Rod, have converted that video evidence into moving image form, and have assembled those moving image forms here for your consideration. We are the jury, and by the conclusion of today’s session, we shall have come to a verdict: innocent or guilty, which is how verdicts usually go. Unless you get a hung jury, in which case... well, back on those tenterhooks I guess.

Shine, sweet freedom. Shine your light on me.

Who, Me?

822272011_medium

Exhibit A: Mr. Rodriguez denies all wrongdoing.

Well, that clears it up then. Should we go get some coffee?

Gracious A-Rod

822271713_medium

Words cannot describe how good this is. I mean, this is it. This is the greatest A-Rod moment. A-Rod thanking a reporter for a thing that wasn’t even meant as a compliment. No, those aren’t fake captions. That was what was actually said. Shut it down. Shut it all down.

Disturbed A-Rod

822271732_medium

Selfish A-Rod

822271756_medium

Still not as bad as that time he ran into the stands, stole Jeter’s 3000th hit ball from that dude, stole the signed DJ3K shirt that Jeter was about to hand to the fan, and ran out into the parking lot yelling "I’m alive! I’m alive! I’m alive!"

Chums

822271719_medium

Just the routine fourth inning pectoral density check (PDC) that all ballplayers are subject to.

This is from the 2001 All-Star Game, where A-Rod famously moved himself over to third base, forcing Cal Ripken, Jr. into the shortstop position for Ripken’s last All-Star Game. This act was lauded by everyone—even Boris Yeltsin reportedly applauded at his television set from his dacha in northwest Russia—and is precisely the kind of selfless behavior you’d expect from a villain like Rodriguez. Only a colossal, narcissistic jerk like him would be capable of such a dignified act.

Talking about the act and about Rodriguez, Joe Buck, a sportscaster that has a face, made the words: "A classy gesture from a classy, classy man." (He actually said that; you can check the tape. I swear on the life of my pet hamster Jeremy that Joe Buck actually said that.) Also from that day:

Utility GIF: Joe Torre Would Like You to Leave

822273317_medium

The Fun Police

822273439_medium

That’s right. A-Rod will tell you how many autographs you’ll get, and whatever he gives you, you’ll accept it, you’ll smile, and you’ll say thank you. Seriously though, some people are just no fun. C’mon, Alex. They only want to take whatever you sign and flip it on eBay. Have a heart already. Jeez.

Now, let’s find out what Mark Teixeira is up to! Because why not?

Juicin’

822273371_medium

Musclin’

822273379_medium

Stabbin’

822273380_medium

That’s a PGS (a pretty good stab). And that’s also a good note to end on.

As always, follow us on Twitter, depress a mouse button on this bolded blue text to see more GIFs, and, if you’d like, speak your brains below on the relative merits of Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez, below, in the comment field where you can type your comment, below.

More from Pinstripe Alley:

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Pinstripe Alley

You must be a member of Pinstripe Alley to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Pinstripe Alley. You should read them.

Join Pinstripe Alley

You must be a member of Pinstripe Alley to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Pinstripe Alley. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker