The forces of hyperbole and epic chronicle are out in full force around the Yankee Universe today.
Plant tongue-in-cheek, and let's take the tour.
Mainstream media first:
"Choke's On Them" says the Daily News.
The NYPost says "Texas May Be Toast."
The Huffington Post (wait, really Google? They have a sports reporter, and his name is Stephen Hawkins? No joke) goes all caps in the headline: "Rangers Suffer 8th Inning MELTDOWN."
Darren Oliver, the only player who had been in a playoff game with Texas before this season, walked the only two batters he faced. Then Rodriguez, who had already struck out twice and made a fielding error to the delight of his former Texas fans, hit a hard grounder that hopped over Michael Young's glove at third base.
"He hit it hard and it took kind of a tricky hop at the end. I would have loved for it to have found my glove," Young said. "I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, that's for sure."
You know, Mikey, the fans back home already don't love your defense at third. Might I suggest a small bout of insomnia to at least help their agita?
The NYTimes said: The rally "Rewrote the Script," which is funny since I'm sure most Rangers fans feel like they've seen this comi-drama before.
The Dallas News subtitles their analysis by claiming (without any solid evidence that I can find in their article) that "Teams rarely rebound from what Rangers' relievers did in Game 1."
The Dallas Observer, which seems to be more blog than newspaper, so forgive me if I've lumped them in the wrong group, says that "This team's all about "Antlers", but Oliver tonight is wearing goat horns." Wait, what? He's been cuckoled?
Of course, the writer also offers this salient point for us to consider:
Next time some a-hole Yankees fan boasts about their sacred pinstripes, remind them their team wears boring-ass gray uniforms on the road.
The Star Telegram is slightly more even keeled: