What exactly happened here? As I'm still in the nascent stages of a move and hence sans cable, I'm relying on the CBS 880 power couple to deliver my games. So at baseline, the chances of me getting a handle on the game are already compromised, but I don't think Stephen Hawkings and his fantasy actuary team could get a bead on how the entire Yankees order--save Melky Cabrera and Jorge Posada--could get at least one hit, and still lose to the White Sox.

Tonight's game moved like a NYC subway with a rookie conductor, jerking forward and then awkwardly plugging along. Sergio Mitre got knocked around early, and pitched like he was just phoning it in. Maybe he figured he didn't stand to be too embarassed seeing as his opposing hurler also got tagged for 5 runs. The difference is, Sergio Mitre is supposed to be our rationale for not picking up a &*(* 5th starter at the deadline, and D.J. Carrasco was just the equivalent of the P.E. teacher filling in for the history teacher out sick. Plus he sounds like he should be talking in thinly veiled euphenisms while cracking his knuckles and checking to see if the room is bugged.

To recap the offensive hemorrhage that occured at the Cell tonight would mean I'd be wrapping up this post sometime around dawn. The highlights, so to speak:

• The Yankees opened up with a 3-0 lead that gave all us fans some breathing room. I was sad to discover that the Yankees' days of inexplicably squandering leads like that to teams like this were not, in fact, over.
• A.J. Pierzynski went 4-5. I hope to God I started him today. (Yeah, that's right, I have 2 catchers on my fantasy roster. 2009 has got to be some record for the most useless pool of catchers ever. They're either injured or miserably slumping at any given point.)
• Eric Hinske comes to bat for the first time in 7 games to sail a game-tying 2-run homer. With Shelley Duncan having been just called back up, I wonder if the two of them will have Kelly-Brenda on 90210 types of competitiveness over who's the better hit-a-homerun-every-time-you-get-up guy.  Cody Ransom will look on wistfully while no one talks to him.
• Both Scott Podsednik and Carlos Quentin nailed 2 hits. One of Quentin's was a homerun, one of Podsednik's was a BUNT that broke an 0-16 slump. The Yankees are to struggling players what the Pirates are to teams hungry for acquisitions. They're like soup kitchens for baseball.
• David Robertson got pinned with the loss. That sucks. He strikes out 2 and gives up 1 run, leaving it at a manageable 6-5 game. Alfredo Aceves comes in determined and wearing his best "You want to see deficit? I'll SHOW you deficit" suit. To be fair, the Yanks never scored after that, which must have disappointed Sterling who didn't get to say "And now the 4-run 7th is really looming large..."
• Although I predicted in my preview the game would be decided by their bullpen, I don't think it's fair to make that claim now, since neither team put anything on the mound that really resembled pitching tonight. The game was decided by 2-out hits and RISP. Chicago had 4 two-out ribbies and went 6-13 with RISP. The Yankees posted numbers a little different: 0 two-out ribbies. 2-10 with RISP. Not good. You guys had 12 hits. Do you know how hard it is to hit like that and be 2-10 with RISP? It's like Hideki Matsui not learning English. You have to almost make a concerted effort to do that.
• The White Sox pulled a double steal and successfully stole home. As if this in it of itself wasn't cringe-inducing enough, imagine having to listen to Sterling narrate this as it's going down. Or, imagine a clown freebasing. And that still doesn't come close.
• The Yankees just lost 2 in a row, and if you look at the bright side, maybe it says good things about this team that I can't remember the last time they did that. It's like I told my sister tonight who's turning 23 and says of her potential new guy, "Ugh, he can't come to my party. He just texted and says he's being held at a police station." While I'm crushed this young pillar of society won't be cavorting with my youngest sister tonight, I stayed positive: "Well, I think it's sweet he texted you in the middle of being interrogated!"

They'll get tomorrow's game. And the Yankees can play with their brand new Jerry Hairston Jr. toy all over the field. Everywhere except the mound anyway. Sigh. JH-II is such a parents' consolation-type gift. Like you're dying for Call of Duty for the X360. And your parents can't find it sold anywhere and refuse to mortgage the house so they can buy it on ebay, so they get you Grand Theft Auto because all the kids seem to like that. And yeah, it's a great gift, but you don't have PlayStation, so it's ultimately useless. But it's the thought that counts.

Here's to taking the next 2 and leaving the south side with a series tie.