Flip Flopping

Joe Posnanski said he'd do it. NoMaas would do it.

And if Hideki Matsui's knees aren't ready to go, I think I'd do it too.

Sure, it doesn't do anything to help our lefty-heavy lineup.  But he hit .265/.470/.521 against lefties last season- and he was even better against righties.

He would lead the team in OBP and be third in SLG.

He'd want Sunday's off, but with all the talent on the Yankees, wouldn't that be a good thing?  If you've got a guy who wants to be a part-time player, doesn't that make shuffling the rest of the guys easier?

And, frankly, how else can we legitimately improve this $209,081,577 machine?

It's sure not by paying Sidney Ponson- a man who collects DWIs at night after spending the day beating up judges on the beach.

Sure, people will wax poetic about Hank Aaron, class, cheaters, despoiling the game, blah blah blah.

I want to win.  I decided this many years ago- my brother and I were playing Snakes and Ladders, and he made it safely to the top of the board first.  He was so damn happy.  And I said to myself- I will take any steps necessary to achieve such joy in all my endeavors.  Maybe not quite in those words; I'm not sure I understood the proper use of the definite adjective at seven, but I'm sure I said something close.

And who are we to act as though we don't use any mean necessary to win?

Jason Giambi is still on the team, and he was on the cover of Game of Shadows, too.

We spend more money than everybody else at every level of the game- the draft, international signings, the major league roster.

And there are still hundreds of professional players on steroids- some of them already in the clubhouse.

As for the people who say, "I'd be done with the Yankees" or "He'd cheapen a championship" I call your bluff.  If you didn't stop watching when Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield were indicted by the same federal investigation, you can't be righteous now.  Did it cheapen the Marlins' 2003 championship when Urbina was thrown in jail and Pudge showed up to the Tigers magically 30 pounds skinnier?  You want to tell me that somewhere between Ortiz, Mueller, Millar, Schilling, and Roberts there wasn't a single member of the 2004 Sox juicing?  Come on- what do you think Clemens famous "pep talk" to Schilling was?  When Clemens and Pettitte pitched Houston to their first pennant the town was ecstatic- anybody over there wishing it had never happened?  The 2006 Cardinals?  Please- led by Tony LaRusso, a drunk-driver himself and the biggest steroid enabler in the game today.  Oh, and if you believe the Mitchell Report *snicker* mid-season acquisition Eric Gagne was the only player with ties to 'roids.

It's not really about believing our guys are any more honest than anyone else- it's about knowing that there are cheaters in every clubhouse.

So I'd take him up on his offer and sign him the major league minimum.  And I'd tell him that he's on his best behavior.  If he doesn't hit the way he's supposed to, or he is disrespectful to the media, or he punches the second baseman, he's gone.

Because when you're paying someone the major league minimum, you have that option. (Frankly, I thought we had that option even if you're paying, say, LaTroy Hawkins a couple million bucks, but what do I know?).

And if he signs with us, I will refer to him exclusively as Lamar, because if he's a Yankee that means we're friends.

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